A Million Girl Kisses

Chapter 7

"I hate him: and I cannot forgive myself."
"But what does it matter?"
"The shame, the humiliation..."
"Zoe! You're going to be late!" I set down my copy of Anna Karenina and grab my backpack from the closet. It's really good so far. It's going to be a while until I finish, though. It is nearly nine hundred pages, after all. I can't help but wonder how long it took Tolstoy to write it, if it's going to take me this long just to read it.
"Coming!" I grab a hair tie off my dresser and run downstairs, out the door.

"Oh my gosh, Zoe! Guess what?" I swing open my locker so I can grab my things for first period. "What?"
"I'm so glad you asked!" Melissa squeals. "So, I had my first volunteer shift with Darren at the library last night!" Right. I almost forgot about that. "So? How did it go?" She giggles. "Well, we were putting away books together when I decided to finally ask the big question!" She doesn't inform me of what exactly that big question was. "Melissa, you have got to stop doing that! I can't read your mind."
"Oopsies, I probably should have told you that," she apologizes. "Anyways, I asked Darren if he wanted to grab coffee!"
"Oh," I say. "Did he say yes?"
She grins. "He did! He seemed kind of hesitant at first, which was weird, but what matters is that he said yes!" The bell rings, alerting us that we have to get to homeroom for attendance. "Well, see you at break!" Before I can get another word in, she's hurrying off to her homeroom.
Yeah, so... turns out I have English first. With Gia. We left things on a rather... awkward note last night, so I'm really not wanting to see her right now. In a few hundred years, maybe. But not now.
I step through the doorway to English with my head held, well, low. I take a seat at my desk, taking a deep breath. So far, so good. Except, Gia's not even here yet. Oh. The worst is yet to come. Right on cue, Gia enters the classroom, collapsing in her chair. I immediately pull out my book in an attempt to not be seen. Apparently I failed, because Gia comes over and taps on my desk, waiting for my attention. I pull my book beneath my face. This is what I do, evidently. I hide from people when things happen to be going well and something awkward happens. I just... hide.
"Hi, Gia," I say nervously, while ultimately trying not to sound nervous. "what's up? I was just, uh, reading my book." I gesture to the eight-hundred page book.
"Well, it seems you enjoy reading upside down, then." I glance down at the novel. Of course. The book is upside down. Of course it is. Because that's just my luck, isn't it?
"Oh that's, just... would you look at that? Silly me..." I trail off, because the situation does not appear to be getting any better. "Are you okay?" She asks. I don't get asked that very often. People just sort of... assume that I'm alright because my life seems so perfect. Newsflash: It's not.
"Uh, yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
She frowns. "It's just, you seem... tense." I relax into my seat more so as not to look tense. "Oh. Well, I'm fine." Gia pulls a chair up to my desk. I guess I'm not getting out of this conversation any time soon.
"Are you still up for the movie tonight?" How could I forget?
"Of course," I reply. "unless you're not up for it, of course." She's very quick to say, "Of course! Yeah, I'm excited."
"Do you even like rom-coms?" I say with a laugh.
"I mean, they're not my go-to genre, but they are oddly comforting." I put my book back in my backpack. "So what is your go-to genre, then?"
"Mystery. Definitely. Especially when it's not too dark, and still funny. You know?"
"Yes! Have you seen Castle? They just don't make shows like that anymore..." I trail off, because our English teacher takes a seat at his desk to take attendance. Gia returns to her seat, then whispers, "why don't you come sit with me at lunch today? My friends will also be there, so maybe you can meet them? You don't have to, obviously. Just... if you want to, you're welcome to." I hold back a smile. "I- I would love to." Gia grins. It's not quite a half-moon smile, but it's close. She faces the front of the class again, and I pull out my book.

I grab my phone from my locker, slamming it shut. "Hey Zoe, you coming? I invited Darren to sit with us." Man. That was going to be interesting. "Actually, I'm sitting with... someone else today." She scrunches her nose. "Who?"
"Just... someone from English class."
"Well, okay... have fun, I guess." As she walks away from me toward the cafeteria, I exclaim, "good luck with Darren!" She spins around and, smiling, enthusiastically waves goodbye to me.
Now that that's sorted, I head off to the cafeteria. Here's hoping I don't run into Austin. I know, I tend to avoid my problems. But I just don't have the energy to deal with excusing myself from him. Once I'm in the cafeteria, I scan the room. There's a table near the back with Gia, Elliot, and one other person I don't know.
Should I just hide in the bathroom? Should I go sit with Austin and Melissa? Instead of doing either of those things, I decide to approach them. Thankfully, I don't have to be the first to say something because Gia leaps out of her seat. "Zoe! You came."
"Of course I did," I reply. Well, not of course, granted the fact that I seriously considered bolting mere seconds ago. "Um, hi." I wave to the other people seated at the table. "Guys, this is Zoe. Zoe, this is Elliot, and this is Drea." Drea gets up from the table to come over and introduce herself. "Hi! It's great to meet you."
"Yeah, you too," I glance over at Elliot, who has not left his seat. "Hi, Elliot." He looks up at me. "Hi, Zoe! I thought you'd be sitting with your boyfriend." I flinch. "Yeah, well, Gia invited me to sit with you guys, and I felt it was time for a change. That's okay with you guys, right?" They both nod. "Yeah, of course!" Drea exclaims, sitting me down at the table with them.
"Hey, Drea, how did your science test go? Did you use the flashcards I gave you?" Gia asks. "I did, thank you for that, by the way. And it went pretty well? The chapter the teacher said wouldn't be on the test actually was, but thankfully, I'm an excellent educated-guesser."
"Who do you have for Science?" I ask. "Ms. Adams. She's such a liar, I swear.
"So, what do you do for fun, Zoe?" Elliot interrupts. Randomly, I have to say. "I know you're on the cheer squad, but is there anything else you do? Hobbies?" I pause to think. "Well, I really love to read. I'm actually reading Anna Karenina right now. I also like to write. I don't have much time for it, though. And I recently took up crocheting, but I'm not very good at it yet. I suck at it, actually." I laugh. Elliot doesn't. He just nods, directing his attention to his pasta.
Even though Elliot is being weird, Drea, Gia, and I talk for the rest of lunch. Gia's friends are different from mine. They actually care about their grades, for one thing. But they also just... accepted me from the start. Minus Elliot.
"Oh, shit, we're going to be late for class," Gia says as the final bell rings, informing us that lunch is over and we should be at our lockers by now. I gather my lunch tray and my bag when Drea stops me. "It was really nice meeting you, Zoe. I hope you'll sit with us again sometime." I feel a smile tugging on my lips. "It was amazing to meet you, too. You as well, Elliot." He looks up at me. "Yeah. It was... good to meet you."
"Zoe, you have Math next, right?" Gia turns to face me. "Uh, yeah. Do you have it, too?" She nods. "I'll see you there, I guess."
"Uh, yeah. See you there." I'm in the process of turning away from her when I realize this conversation isn't quite finished. "Also, thank you for inviting me today, Gia. It was really fun." There it is. That half-moon smile I've been waiting for makes an appearance yet again. "I'm really glad you came over to our table, Zoe." I have no idea what to say to that, so I just smile, walk away, and lock myself in the bathroom.
That was so fun. But, surely people from school are going to find out. That's just how this school works. But, you know what? I feel like I was happy this afternoon. I was happy, and while I'm terrified of what's to come, I just want to bask in this moment of people seeing me. The real me.