forget-me-not, neil

gone.

I wake up to Charlie kneeling beside by bed, shaking my shoulder.

"Todd, Todd wake up man."

"Go away Charlie, it's too early."

"Todd." This he says with a more serious tone, compared to the more frantic one he'd woken me up with.

I open my eyes again and roll over to see Charlie isn't the only one waiting on me. Meeks, Pitts, Knox, even Cameron are all at the doorway to my room, none of them daring to enter any further but Charlie. The only one missing is Neil, whose bed I now realize is empty.

"Charlie, wha-, what's going on, what is it?"

He opens his mouth then, but doesn't produce any sound. His face changes, something unbearable weighing it down.

I sit up.

"Charlie, what is it?"

"Neil's dead."

My breath catches in my throat, those two words echoing in my brain. No way, I think to myself, Neil couldn't possibly be dead. I look back over to Neil's bed, and notice the covers are still pulled up to the top, tight hospital corners hugging the frame tightly, the way he always did it. Neil's not dead, I decide. Neil Perry couldn't die.

"Neil's not dead."

"He is though, Todd." Charlie replies wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. At this point Meeks has his face, glasses and all, buried into Pitsy's shoulder, and Knox has simply left. "Last night, there was, there was a-"

"He slept at his parents' house last night." I explain, understanding that this was all simply just a misunderstanding. "He's at home with his parents Charlie."

"There was an accident Todd, last night,"

"No last night Neil was at home," I repeat, sliding myself up out of bed. I walk across the room to Neil's bed, running my hand across the smooth covers. "He left with his father from rehearsal, and he went home, Charlie."

"He was home Todd, he was, but then he got in a car, and he drove, and he drove-" he chokes out, his words being overrun by the tears that run down his cheeks.

What Charlie was saying didn't even make any sense, Neil didn't even have a license.

"But Neil doesn't even have a license, Charlie, why would Neil be in a car if he didn't have his license, Charlie, where is he."

Charlie walks closer to me, and rests a hand on my shoulder.

"Todd," I look up into his eyes, and I know deep down, he's right. But I don't want him to be. I swipe his arm off of my shoulder. He reaches out again. "Todd, please"

"No!" I swipe his arm away again. He continues to try and hold my arms, pull me towards him. But I thrash, and flail and swing.

"He's gone Todd, okay? He's gone."

"NO!" I shout, this time pushing him back onto my bed. "You're lying! He's not dead!" I run out of the room, pushing past Meeks and Pitts. I run, and run, and I don't stop. I run through the halls, down the stairs, out the front doors of the school. I run, and run, and run through the snow that has fallen overnight, I run through the field, run out across the frozen lake. I run, and run, and run.

My legs don't stop until they slip on a bare patch of the frozen lake, my feet sliding, by body crashing down. I fall to my knees, hands scraping the rough surface. When my body gets control back and gravity lulls me to a still, I stretch my head back, looking up into the sky. The wide white clouds, the thick heavy snowflakes floating down, I think to myself, Neil would love this.

"NEIL!" I call out, but it gets lost in the wind. "NEILLLL!" But I know he won't hear me. Won't come and join me on the ice to see the beautiful snow. Because like Charlie said, he's gone.