Tales of an unloved demigod | Nico Di Angelo

The War

Nico's POV:

Everything happened in a blur, maybe because I haven't been in good health lately or maybe because so much happened at once. Reyna came, her, coach Hedge, and I brought the Athena Statue to the Romans. The shadow traveling really took a lot out of me, I had never had to travel so far with so much extra weight. My arms seemed to flicker in and out of existence as if they were deciding whether or not to be absorbed by the shadows. It didn't matter though I got us to Camp Half Blood and the Romans would soon be arriving Octavian leading them. I didn't have time to rest, I didn't have time to worry about how I was almost absorbed by the shadows, I didn't have time to dwell on the fact that I nearly died, I had to go down and stop Octavian as Reyna needed more time. I headed down to go confront Octavian and his soldiers knowing that my one man army against a Roman legion was suicidal at least in my current state, but I just had to buy time, and I was going to die soon in any case, at least other campers will be safe. Will pulled me aside, what is with Apollo kids and not letting others die, is it the fact that they are healers and it is against their nature? He convinced me to help him, Lou Ellen, and Cecil sabotage the onagers which in hindsight was the better option. I saw Octavian fire an onager at Leo, Piper, and Jason, his cape was snagged on it and I knew he'd die, but I didn't stop him. I watched as he died, I watched to make sure Leo, Piper, and Jason wouldn't die, but I knew if they did that would be on me. Leo defeated Gaea, but I couldn't find him after the fight, and for a second I thought he was dead, dead because I did nothing, I could have prevented his death but instead I stood aside because Hades said that you can't prevent every death. Leo's death is on me, I couldn't feel him, he's dead because of me.

I was ready to flee, how could I stick around, I allowed my ally to fall, I let Leo die. That wasn't the only reason though, I was never going to stick around after the war, I had a little villa in Italy with my name on it, and I had much research to do over Hanahaki disease and how to prevent it or cure it.

During the fight Octavian had asked me why I was helping the Greeks, he asked me what had they ever done for me, and it hit me hard but I couldn't let him know, not when there were bigger issues at hand. I didn't understand how he couldn't see that Gaea was the true enemy and that the Greeks and Romans working together to fight her would lead to less casualties, but he was so focused on being "Rome's hero" that he wouldn't listen to reason, so I didn't bother, just like I didn't bother telling him that his cape was snagged, Gods I'm a monster.

He asked me what they had offered me, he asked if it was a place in their camp, and they hadn't, no one had. No one had ever offered me a home, or maybe they did, but I never felt comfortable staying, they wouldn't say anything to my face, but I could hear their remarks and feel their glares. I told him I didn't want a place in either camp which seemed to offend Will. I really don't understand these descendants of Apollo, we're in the middle of a war. Why are we talking? Has all my time alone made me no longer understand social etiquette, because I've always just assumed that we're not supposed to talk in the middle of a fight, or had they been watching too many shows where the villain explains their elaborate plan that they thought talking was typical protocol? I mean not to be rude or anything but Apollo kids/descendants typically heal or are doing archery away from where the enemy was standing so I think they're the ones not understanding the way war works. Yeah I'm pretty sure they've watched too much tv, Octavian was gonna tell Will and I what he was going to do step by step even though he viewed us as the enemy, he's not that bright, that's probably why he didn't notice his cape was caught.

The main point is Will ended up lecturing me about how I was the one who was pushing people away and that campers at Camp Half Blood actually wanted to be my friend. This conversation had been playing on repeat in my head, and it got me wondering was I the problem? Was I so absorbed in my hurt from Bianca's death that I pushed everyone away? Was it easier for me to view others as hating me rather than wanting to befriend me because I was worried about losing another person I cared about as I had lost all of my family by the time I turned ten. Was I the problem? Was the reason I had viewed myself as being unlovable because I never gave anyone the chance to love me, I never allowed anyone close? Or was Will just gaslighting me, and in that case which would I rather choose to believe that no one ever liked me or that I never allowed others to show that they liked me?

Should I stay at Camp Half Blood?

Chiron had then came up to me asking me to oversee the burial rites, and I agreed, so I guess I am staying, if all goes well for a while, if not I'll leave again.

The day after the war the Greeks and Romans worked side by side all thanks to Reyna I presume. It's strange that a war brought us together but it seems fitting. Will hadn't talked to me since the day I let Octavian kill himself. I guess he finally sees me as a monster like the rest of the camp. I met up with the seven or I guess now six they were talking about Leo and chances of him surviving, Hazel and I shared a look, we knew he was gone, but how were we to tell them? How could I tell them that I could have prevented it; I really am a monster. I'll leave after the burial rites.

Reyna hugged me in front of all of the Greeks and Romans saying that we (the Greeks and Romans) were all now friends and had two homes. Maybe I'll go to New Rome. Reyna at least seems to like me and the last of my family, Hazel, is there.

Hazel left with the Romans, I had to stay behind, I still have to oversee the burial rites. She mentioned visiting, which while I never explicitly said I would go with her, kinda hurt, she didn't ask for me to come with her. I smiled and nodded, I wouldn't let her see my hurt, I would allow her to live her best life even if it meant that I would only be a small part of it. I waved her off, not telling her I was gay, not telling her I was sick and going to die soon, I told her I was happy for her and Frank though. I think it's best to keep only happy memories in her life, there's no need to worry her. She doesn't need to know that those visits may never happen. I lean into a wastebasket to vomit blood and petals, it's getting worse but I don't know what to do. Should I ask Will; but we haven't talked since the war. I'll bring it up if he ever talks to me again. Until then I'll keep it to myself and do some research, Gods I sound like Annabeth.