Run

Chapter 6

After Esperanza was arrested, I was forced by Kate to see a therapist. She said I needed to "talk about my feelings" with someone I didn't know so that I could be completely honest. I have a session today. As I'm walking to the session, I reflect on this past year, man it's been crazy! Once I get there, I sit in the chair and doctor Addison begins to talk. She says "every session we have, you talk about the little things. Today it's time to talk about the big things. Starting with your childhood. Tell me every event that occurred, big or small, from as far back as you can remember." This caught me off guard. I was never asked to talk about my childhood. So I wasn't sure elbow to begin. "When I was two, my mom loved me. It was always just me and her. It stayed like that until I was about 9 or 10. Then she met this guy santos. He was a drug dealer. He got her hooked on every drug under the sun. I remember once Jessa and I found her passed out on the kitchen floor. We sat by her and waited for her to wake up for hours. She did eventually, and when she did she sent Jessa home and hit me so hard that I had a bruise under my eye. She told my school that I fell off my bike. Ever since that day, she was always hitting me and screaming at me. She made me call her "Esperanza" instead of "mom" and was so nice to me around people. She acted like she loved me. But once we got home, the real Esperanza would come out and she'd scream at me to do something. I pretty much took care of myself. Once Santos left her, things got crazy. She began to hit me with objects and call me worse names. Just recently she threw a glass bottle at my face and almost caused me to lose my vision. She tried to kill me and was going to, but that officer saved my life. She says she loves me, but she just loves herself too much for there to be anymore love left for anyone else, even her own daughter. Once she got arrested, I was depressed. But I got out of it and now I'm here. I guess I feel safe now that I know she can't hurt me. But I always feel like she's watching. Sometimes I wish she was watching. This year I'll be graduation from high school. I wish she was there to see that. I wish she was watching when I opened up my acceptance letter and found out I was going to NYU. I wish she'll be watching when I get married. But I know she won't be. For some reason, I still love her. Despite all that she's done to me, I can't find it in me to fully hate my mother. But she can find it in her to fully hate her daughter." I didn't realize, but I was crying.