[GL] I tamed the female lead

Chapter 51

I didn't know how long I had been crying but I suddenly heard someone knock on the door and jumped. Please don't be Astéria.

"Poehina?"

Of course it was her. her voice was deeper than Orange's and more confident but it was the exact same voice. How could I not notice before? I was so stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

"Poehina? Are you okay?"

Astéria sounded worried hearing me hit my head against the door. Of course she would hear me. I wasn't hiding anyway. But what was I supposed to say? Should I tell her that I knew? Should I give her a chance to tell me everything? I did already give her more than enough time but... I had no idea what to do. Everything was starting to work out. Should I run away? But I never wanted to run away alone. I always imagined running away with Orange. I thought we didn't have secrets from each other. Not such big secrets at least. I didn't have anything to say because of everything I didn't tell her but it still hurt. I never pretended to be someone else in front of her at least.

"Poehina please open the door. I am starting to get worried.

-I am fine."

I heard Astéria sigh:

"Do you need help? Are you feeling sick by any chance?

-I will be better soon."

I shouldn't have said that. Orange had always been obsessed with my well being and of course she would panic hearing that I wasn't fine. Especially that I never said when I wasn't fine. I never complained.

"Poehina! Please open the door. I beg you. What is wrong? Where does it hurt? Did someone say something to you? Is it your stomach?"

She started panicking and I couldn't have her burn the door down so I just opened. The second the door was opened, Astéria jumped on me and grabbed my shoulders before detailing my face. Of course she saw that I had been crying. How could I hide that when my eyes were red?

"Did you cry?"

I sighed:

"It's nothing serious."

Seeing Astéria's worried expression, I couldn't help smiling. Despite knowing the truth I still liked her so much.

"You don't have to tell me but what can I do for you? Does it hurt that much? Please don't hide and don't bear it on your own.

-I am fine now. I had just been too stressed because of the play."

I laughed awkwardly.

"Anyway. I'll head home now. I am tired.

-Let me take you there.

-No, it's okay. You stay here and enjoy the open day."

As I was leaving I heard Astéria sniffle behind me. I stopped and it broke my heart but I didn't turn back. I couldn't. I had to leave. I needed time to think. I didn't stop until I was home and I was so lost in thought that I didn't remember anything from the way. Some people came up to me to talk but I just smiled and continued walking without a word. Saber had the bad idea of coming up to me too and seeing my face she asked me if everything was okay. I wanted to kick her. No everything wasn't okay and you knew why. Why did she know and I didn't? Why did Astéria tell her and didn't tell me? I thought we were best friends but it seemed I wasn't as close to her as Saber. I hated seeing her. What did she have that I didn't? Saber wasn't at fault and she was an amazing person. I felt terrible but I hated her guts and I wanted her to disappear. It wasn't because of her, it was because of Orange.

Of course I didn't let anything show and just smiled:

"I am okay, thank you for asking."

I continued walking and Saber didn't dare follow me fortunately. Once finally home I immediately went to the bathroom and didn't even take my clothes off before spilling cold water on my head. I hated cold and I hated cold water more than anything in the world but I didn't feel anything and that was disturbing. I was just standing there immobile and my thoughts empty. I was tired. I was so tired and didn't want to think anymore. I just needed to sleep but heard someone knock on the door.

"Poehina?"

I didn't answer. It was Orange, her voice changed a bit.

"Are you okay? You have been there for a long time."

Had I been here for that long? I had no idea anymore. I didn't even feel cold. I didn't feel anything. That was why I never trusted anyone. That was what I tried to avoid so badly. I had been terrified for years and protected myself never getting close to anyone. I had been perfectly happy but for the first time I trusted someone, for the first time I felt really happy... Nothing could work out for me. I felt pathetic and it was okay. I would let myself be pathetic today but tomorrow I would move on and never think about it again.

"Poehina."

I didn't even jump when hearing Orange behind me. Why was I still not scared of her?

"What happened? Why are you all wet?"

I didn't know how she came in but she enveloped me in a towel before gently touching my face:

"You are so pale. Are you sick? What's wrong? I'll call a doctor."

I smiled:

"I just felt very hot."

Orange didn't believe me and started drying my hair, worried.

"Let's get you into dry clothes. You are so cold... I'll bring you lemon tea and medicine."

I stopped her hand:

"It's okay. I'll quickly change. Wait for me outside."

Orange frowned but didn't dare ask and did as she was told:

"Call me if you need anything."

I looked at myself in the mirror and didn't recognize my reflection. What was wrong with my face? I practiced smiling for a few seconds and changed quickly. Why should I feel pathetic? I was the one who got hurt. I was there for Orange every second of my life and she was the one who lied to me. I would have time to feel pathetic later and now it was time to learn the truth. I needed to know. I needed her to tell me.

I went out and Orange was walking up and down in worry. She immediately ran up to me and touched my forehead. I wanted to cry. Why did she look so worried when she lied? And why couldn't I be angry at her?

"I brought you some tea. Come sit down."

She escorted me to the chair and I drank my tea in silence. It was kind of fun seeing Orange fidget on her seat and I didn't talk to her once letting her stress out about what happened. Orange didn't dare say anything and after I was done drinking I went to bed. Orange followed me silently and laid down next to me not looking away once. It started getting frustrating. She was the fearless female lead. Why was she acting all shy? Which was the real her? I knew what Astéria was like but the book changed so much. Could Astéria have changed too? Could someone change so much? What happened? She had been with me since the beginning.

"What did you think of the presentation?"

Orange jumped hearing my voice and I saw her getting smaller and smaller.

"It was amazing.

-Really? What was your favorite scene?"

She hesitated before looking away:

"The last scene...

-Which one?

-The k-kiss...

-Did you see well from the first row?"

She froze.

"I could see everything perfectly well."

I saw what she was doing. Not lying but not saying everything. I was going to push her to the end.

"Really? I am glad. I got scared at some point because I couldn't see you."

I could see her lose some colors. Was she acting? How could she be so readable?

"Where were you?

-I couldn't wait to congratulate you so I ran after you."

She was going to continue lying until the end and I felt the anger take over me. I turned around and hid behind the covers with a frown:

"Let's sleep."