Solita [Completed]

Warning 1

"Ano yung narinig ko? Arsinoe! Lumabas ka dito at mag-uusap tayo ngayon!" Boses ni mama ang gumising sa masarap kong tulog.

What did I do this time? As far as I can remember, I haven't done anything bad, so she can just knock on my door that hard?
 
I tied my long hair with the scrunchies I found in my beauty drawer. Ignoring the noise outside and focusing on applying the day cream that my dermatologist told me to use on my whole face.
 
Wearing a facial mask, I open the door where my mother has been banging. Ain't she tired? 
 
She looked furious and stressed.
 
"What is it, Mama?" All I want is peace in the early morning, but how can I have it when she's ruining it? 
 
"I just received a call from Mamá, and it has something to do with you living under them. Didn't we agree that you'd live here with me until you were 18? Tell me right now that it's not true!" She said it between gritted teeth. I can almost hear the pain in her voice. 
 
I know that we are struggling financially, so I thought living with my grandparents was the right thing to do.
 
"I did it for you so you don't have to work overtime." Mama just shook her head.
 
I'm studying at an all-girls school. My tuition fees are almost half a million pesos per exam, excluding my monthly allowance.
 
"I can still provide for you and your kuya Seleucus, so you don't have to be with them. I'll let you have fun every Friday; just don't leave me anak." Ako na ang umiling hindi dahil sa wala akong pakealam, kundi dahil ayaw kong marinig ang boses ni mama na nag-mamakaawa.

I have already decided.

Hindi lang naman sa paglabas labas ang dahilan ko. Nalaman kong maraming utang si mama simula ng pinanganak niya ako.

Sinabi sakin ng grandparents ko.

Ayaw sabihin ni mama bakit tinatanggihan niya ang perang gustong ibigay ng grandparents ko.
 
"They'll just help me, mama, in my education. It's not like I'm living with them forever. Don't you want Lolo and Lola to help us?" They're not bad.
 
She raised us on her own, without help from others. My two older brothers weren't living with us because their biological father had them. 

Tanda ko pa nang sinubukan din akong ibigay ni mama sa kaniya noong 8 years old ako dahil may dengue ako sa mga panahong iyon.

Masakit maalala na halos lumuhod na siya nun para lang huwag akong mamatay. Kaya ayaw na ayaw kong naririnig na nagmamakaawa si mama.

Masama ang tingin niya sa Mama ko at pinagsalitaan ng masasakit bago umalis at mag iwan ng pera. Iyak ng iyak si mama noon. Tumatak sa isipin ko lahat. Lalo na yung sinabi niyang hindi ako nito anak.

Tumatakas lang naman ako tuwing gabi ng biyernes para makasama ko ang mga kaibigan. Kung hindi ako makakasama sa isang party hindi na nila ako kaibigan.

I don't have other friends but only them.

Takot akong i-reject ng mga kaibigan ko sa school kaya ginagawa ko lahat for them to love me and accept me.

Rejection.

It was a pretty strong word that crushed me into pieces. I never want to be rejected again. Even though my existence was rejected by my father, I tried my best not to feel the feelings of rejection I've endured my entire life.

It was just sad that he refused to accept that I was his daughter. 
 
"You don't understand Arsinoe; you think they'll help you without expecting anything in return?" She said it in disbelief.

It sounded like I was putting myself in grave danger. Well, I didn't think of that.
 
"I can't back out; they already paid the school." Mama just hugged me tightly, wetting my dress with her tears. Maybe she was scared of letting me grow on my own?
 
Or is it because of misunderstandings between her parents that they haven't talked for years?
 
But it was a done deal.

"I should have talked to Richard; maybe he can do something. After all, he's your father." I chewed on the side of my mouth.

I smiled bitterly, If he wants to help, he could. He just doesn't want me.

"I would rather be with Lolo and Lola than have you send me to him. I don't have a father, mama." Pinal na sabi ko at tuluyang tinalikuran si Mama.

How I wish that we could select and choose a father. How I wish that my parents weren't involved in incestuous relationships.
 
We are not a normal family. 
 
 Dahil matigas ang ulo ko walang nagawa si mama nang sumama ako pagka dating ng mga tauhan nila Lola at Lolo kanina sa bahay.

"Do you like your room?" Tumango ako. Mas malaki ng tatlong beses ang bago kong kwarto ngayon. Nakangiti sakin si Lola.

She tour me around the mansion. Hindi naman sa kabuan, but I'm impressed.

Pinaghalong modern at victorian style ang labas ng mansion. Walang maipipintas sa desinyo at muwebles na ginamit sa loob. Malawak but it feels hollow. Parang may kulang.

"Hindi po ako pinayagan mag drive ni mama,  Lola. I don't think she'll agreed on this." Binalik ko sa lamesa ang susi ng sasakyan. Ang pagsama sa kanila ay sobra, ngayon kung tatanggapin ko nga ito ay sobra na talaga.

Tumaas ang kilay ni Lola at pagak na tumawa sa pagtanggi ko. If she's not my grandmother I will be scared of her intimidating aura.

Hindi siya outdated when it comes to fashion. She loves wearing her jewelries. It's just that her make up was kinda giving a Ursula vibes.

"Well, she's not here, Arsinoe. Ngayong nasa puder ka namin ng Lolo mo I want to spoil you with everything I can give you. Bawal ba yun apo?" She looked at me sadly. Problema ko kasi ay hindi ako makatanggi!

"I- I should call mama first, Lola." Nautal pa nga ako. Tinaas niya ang kamay animoy pinipigilan ako sa gagawin.

Inilapit niya muli ang susi at hinawakan ang mga palad ko.

"Accept it.   Your driving lesson is tomorrow morning. You're here in our care, so accept everything we will give to you. You won't like it when your grandfather hears about this. Have a rest while dinner is not yet served."  Humalik siya sa pisngi ko bago umalis ng aking kwarto.

The moment I disobeyed my mother, my life changed and turned into something I never thought I could live.