A Different World

Lonely

I woke up to being shaken insistently by the shoulders. Tiredly, I gave my father a blank questioning stare. He began to speak, but I could see his mouth slow to a stop as he realized who he was talking to. Holding up a finger, he hurried out the door. In a daze, I sat up, absentmindedly setting to work on untangling my hair. My father re-entered the room with a notebook and a pen. Oh great, another game of charades. Wonderful. His handwriting was usually cryptic, and today was no exception. It was blurred and quick, scrawled in large letters. As soon as I de-coded them, I gasped, quickly standing. Scribbled onto the page were the words, "Elois Limboe is in the kitchen." My dad nodded assuredly, leaving the room to give me a chance to change. My dad could be an ass, but I don't think he'd joke about stuff like this. I don't think he would know how much this meant to me.

Forcing a brush through my chaotic frizzy hair, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Muddled slate eyes and long, sand-colored hair. I hadn't bothered to cut it since my mother's death. She had always preferred my hair long. I changed out of my tank top, a band shirt from an old concert, and into a black tee that read, "Toleration Nation." I didn't want to bother changing my pajama shorts, but I wanted to look presentable in the least. I compromised with some comfortable denim jeans and laced-up floral lined combat boots. I didn't give makeup a second thought. I only wore makeup when I wanted to feel better or when I needed a confidence boost. Most of the time, I was too lazy to begin to consider it.

As I walked towards the kitchen, a sinking feeling hit me. I wouldn't be able to hear her laugh. I wouldn't be able to hear her voice or her singing. I put a hand against the wall to steady myself. Peering in from the doorway, I could make out small portions of what my father was saying. He spoke fast, so lip-reading was complicated with him. I did, however, manage to make out his last sentence: "She's...She's alive, but... She's... Different."

I strode in while Elois was mouthing a simple "How so?"

My jaw threatened to drop when I saw her fully for the first time. Her charcoal curls were pinned up, and she was wearing makeup that perfectly accentuated her emerald eyes. The red lipstick didn't come as a surprise. She smiled widely. I was so glad that she finally loved herself. I didn't have to ask. I could tell. She was wearing a blouse and casual jeans, complete with high-tops. I gulped as her mouth began to move rapidly. She didn't know. I gave my dad a helpless look, and he moved right in as she was embracing me tightly. I closed my eyes as he spoke to her. Slowly, she moved away, releasing me. She held me at an arm's length, studying me worriedly. I opened my eyes, staring at the floor, and signed a quick 'Hello.'

Her eyes grew soft, and before I could realize what was going on, her shoulders began to heave. Elois was crying. Because of me. Again. I looked away. Nervously, I pointed to the living room with my thumb. My dad nodded, ushering Elois to the couch. I sat beside her, unsure. My father handed me his notebook and pen and left the room. I sighed, glancing at Elois and her running makeup.

"Elois..." I spoke hoarsely. I hated speaking, but lip reading was something in which she excelled, where as sign language was something I was still taking time to understand. "I, um... I'm not very good at this. And I, er, sign language isn't exactly what I'm best at...I'm not sure what my dad told you... Um..." I nudged the notebook towards her, and she frantically began writing.

When she handed the spiral back to me, the page was filled with slanted ink. "I was so worried. I thought you were dead, Cameron. I came home for winter break and my family brought it up. We were having dinner when they said that Katrina was in the hospital. That's when I heard about you. And the crash, and the drunk driver. I couldn't believe it. I refused to believe it, and my parents were hesitant to tell me. I rushed over here the first chance I got, and when I saw your dad, I just... I collapsed. I thought you were dead. He told me that you were alive and...Okay... But I never expected this. I'm just... I'm so sorry. No one told me. Why did no one tell me?"

A chuckle escaped me as I flipped to a fresh page and began to write. "The first person I thought to call was you, but... We're both deaf, so what good would that do? I didn't want to chain you down or hold you back with my problems. You were going after your dreams. You didn't need me."

She ripped the paper from my hands, crossing my entry out and writing in angry capitals, "I don't give a damn. Maybe I didn't need you, but I sure as hell wanted you. You were what kept me alive through high school, did you know that? Regardless, if you love me or not, I want to be with you. I don't care if it's solely platonic, Cameron. I need you."

I looked her dead in the eyes, making sure she was paying attention. "I love you, Elois. I always have."

I tried to read her lips for her response, but I soon realized that she was not speaking. Her lips were trembling.

My dad poked his head into the room.

"Dad..." I said in what I thought was a loud voice, "I'm a lesbian."

His face fell. He was about to argue, to try and convince me otherwise, I could tell, but Elois held up a finger to stop him. She said something to him that persuaded him to leave the room. It always amazed me how easily she could speak, how fluently and precise, even though she'd never heard others speak, herself.

She turned to the back of the notebook paper and wrote in small, shaky letters. "I have cochlear implants now..." Shakily, she pulled her hair aside to reveal a re-growing patch of short hair. Behind her ear was a processor, formerly hidden. Beneath her poker face, I could see her huge smile. "I can hear."

"Oh." A broken laugh left my mouth. "So I really am alone."

~ ~ ~

Ah yes, so I was hoping to address Cameron's attitude towards deafness:

You see, Cameron has yet to realize how much she has GAINED from her loss. She was depressed beforehand, and the sudden onslaught of her accident has, in a way, magnified that depression for her. Though it has been months since her (almost) total loss of hearing, she is still adjusting. OF COURSE she's happy for Elois, but her depression has made her unable to project those feelings. Cameron does not deal with loneliness very well, so being "Alone" in such a matter has really affected her tremendously.

Elois herself had a much easier route, believe it or not, but she did hit some rough spots along the road. Elois grew up amongst a hearing family, and she was deaf from a very young age. She grew into it, so over time, she advanced in lip-reading and ASL. Elois is not fully deaf, per se, but she is excellent at sensing vibrations. Elois does not view her deafness as a bad thing in any way, as I hope to explore in the next few chapters. In the beginning, their relationship had failed due to Cameron's selfishness, whether she meant it or not. Cameron couldn't relate to Elois or understand her struggles, but now it's sort of the opposite, though Elois still has to face challenging situations.

*I would also like to note that, yes, I do have somewhat extensive knowledge in the area of the LGBT+ Community. I, myself, am bisexual/panromantic, so most mentions of sexuality are based off of my own personal or past experiences. The same goes for mentions of depression/anxiety*

Thanks for reading~