Why Fearless Isn't Fear-less

1

"Y'know if we did this my way, we could've gotten through that barrage and stood a fighting chance!" Raph barked. His elder brother scoffed. "And get ourselves killed? I don't think so." Raph growled angrily, standing his ground. "You just don't wanna admit you're a COWARD!"

Coward?

Leo had been slightly taken aback by that insult, keeping his voice low. "It's not cowardice, it was a tactical retreat Raphael! Leaving was the best option, if not the Kraang would've blown our heads off!"

"How do you know that?! You don't! You're just scared you won't be able to do your job Leo." He spat at his brother with a known venom, a venom that was exclusive for the fearless Leonardo Hamato. The Leonardo in question was not pleased. "It's not about guessing. It's about retrieval and escape! We can't just bust through everything!"

"That is enough, both of you!" The two boys turned to their father, straightening their postures. "Hai, Sensei." Even despite the lecture Splinter gave, they glared at each other. The rat had eventually caught on a minute or so in and whacked them both over the head with his cane.

"Both of you, here! Your feud is tearing you apart! I don't know what it is that makes you so angry-"

"You wanna list in alphabetical order??" Raph interrupted despite the gazes of his elders. "Arrogant, bitchy, cowardice, demoralizing, especially annoying—"

"Raphael enough!" Thwack! Raph rubbed the back of his head, glaring daggers at the floor. "Both of you need to get along. You are brothers, this behavior will not stand!"

"Are we?"

Both were surprised when Leo said that, in a tone suggesting he wasn't joking. "Leonardo that is-"

"No, don't interrupt me! All of my brothers treat me being leader as some sort of burden and I'm sick of it! I don't even ask for thanks, or praise, or- or to be acknowledged! I'm so sorry me being leader hurts you precious heart so badly Raph!"

What Splinter expected was for them to bicker more, but his second eldest son immediately got up and punched him square in the mouth. He had gasped, grabbing him to hold him back from attacking his eldest anymore. "You just don't want to admit you're a COWARD! All your plans are awful! You and your ego and kiss it! I hate you!"

A coward, that's what he had said. He watched his brother scream at him angrily and managed to tune it out, replacing that with his own self doubt. A coward. He wasn't a coward; he jumped head first at Kraang Prime when Mikey and his brothers were in danger. He risked himself when the rat king took over his fathers mind, and when Shredder tried to kill them.

He risked his life when the fungus had a hold of his inner fears and thoughts, desperate to save his family. He fought the foot head on with fear, but he wasn't a coward. He beat people, aliens, ninjas, with grace despite his fears. Even when they were exploited, and he went into hibernation after Shredder clawed him and left a half-body scar, he kept fighting.

Now here he was hearing his brother say he was a coward for running away from the Kraang when they were clearly outnumbered. A coward. Sure.

Despite the teasing, name calling, even the fighting, he wanted to be the one who kept his family alive. Kept them out of harms way. When he had the time to have fun it wasn't necessarily frowned upon, but he was always expected to work harder than the day before to lead his team.

His team... did they see being a team as an obligation? Was his obligation to lead out of desperation? Why had Splinter chosen him out of all of them, when he himself had many weaknesses that hindered peak performance as expected?

Leo came back to earth, watching Raph stare at him with cold unloving eyes. For a moment maybe he was right, he was a coward, but not in the way he thought Raph thought he was. He got up and brushed past them before going into the back of the pizzeria to meditate.