Why Fearless Isn't Fear-less

5

Once they arrived in the damp men's bathroom they shut the door, locking it from the inside. Leo stood by the sinks and looked at his reflection, watching Splinter walk around him. Observing him like he was Raphael. It made him feel a little queasy. He wasn't just an animal; he had feelings, and moral, and decision making capabilities. But Splinter stared at him like he was less than.

At least that was his perspective. Splinter was just unsure of how to begin the conversation, trying to think of how to word his thoughts while also studying his son in case he were to lash out, or something else. He stroked his beard.

"Leonardo, I have noticed you become distant as of late." Ah so he starts with that. Leo straightened his posture, frowning. "I'm fine Sensei. I'm just concentrating on stopping the Kraang."

"Yes, but in the process some of your family feels you are treating them coldly." Coldly. Really? He was focused, one-minded, sure all of those things, but not cold. He was recovering. He was battling his mind. He wasn't cold.

Splinter seemed to sense this train of thought and sighed. "I am just concerned for your well-being my son. The past few days especially." Leo crossed his arms, a common guard during lectures most exercised by Raph when they felt threatened. Their father had keen eyes for this and pressured further. "Despite clearly wanting to help the city, your brothers are overworked."

"You mean Donnie? He's the science guy, Sensei, none of us can do what he can. It isn't my fault we need to do this in a small time frame." Splinter hummed. "I agree. But making time for your brother when he is upset—"

"Sensei I'm trying." Leo spat. "You asked me to lead this team and I'm leading it. I'm fine with taking the brunt from you but leave the emotions out of this."

"That is exactly the problem!" Splinter explained. "You are not just their leader, Leonardo, you are their brother! You have a duty to uphold both roles." Leo glared up at him, which caught his Sensei off guard. His defensiveness reminded him of his other children, even Karai when she first came to meet him.

"I might be their brother but what's more important right now is to save New York, Sensei! If I get distracted it all falls apart! That means no one else can either." He craned his neck forward as he spoke, causing Splinter to glare back at him.

"Except for Raphael??"

OH.

"You both have been getting along...I'm proud of you both for maturing past your sibling rivalry. But if you are not taking your frustration out on him, Donatello and Michelangelo are—"

"Sibling rivalry?!" Splinter paused, his throat growing dry. "We were competing-" Leo grabbed at the soap socket attached to the wall, his irritation being blown into fury as he grasped it and tore it off the wall, throwing it onto the ground with strength he didn't realize he had. He rasped out a breath, glaring at his master. "For YOU!"

The air went silent. It was like time passed, 16 years ago when Yoshi and Saki were sparring in their own dojo, rivaling for the affection of a woman neither had the chance to love. A woman gone too soon, made the pon of a game of love. Checkmate.

Splinter shook his head, backed into a corner. He didn't understand. He had thought all this time it was a rivalry, blaming Raphael for his temper and moving on when they bickered. It wasn't. It was more complicated and he had been the rook to check the king and call a win. But was it a win? What if he was the bishop, sliding across and cutting the kings head off?

His objective was to facilitate something healthy. How did it go so wrong?

He watched his son look at his hands in shock, watching him begin to shake with a familiar fear he had seen when they were mere children: him. He had been quick to punish. Too quick. "..Father I didn't mean to- I'm sorry..." He raised his hand to try to touch his son but he flinched away, looking at the door. Straight at the door.

He sighed. "Go," he muttered, and Leo did, unlocking it and practically running just to get out of there. Away from him.

When Leo returned to the living room his brothers were waiting for him, concerned. They weren't used to him being the one in trouble. "What happened?" Mikey called to him, getting up from the floor. Leo sighed, rubbing his arms together like some source of comfort. "I'm sorry."

"Leo what do you-"

"I didn't realize how distant I'd been until now. I should've been kinder to you all...especially you Donnie. Im really sorry." Donnie wasn't too surprised, but his shock came from how sincere it was. Like he actually gave a crap. He didn't really know how to respond so he said nothing.

Raph crossed his arms. "I heard a thump." Leo sat down next to Mikey on the floor. "I broke a soap dispenser." Mikey frowned, hugging him; he hadn't been paying attention to how his brothers have been for his own emotional sake.

"...I just want everytime to go back to the way it was," Donnie muttered, sighing. "I'm sick and tired of the Kraang, and the Shredder, and- and everything!" Raph nodded, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. "It will, Donnie. We'll make sure of it." "Why does it have to be us?" Mikey drawled. "Saving world is cool and all but I need a break, dudes."

His older brothers grinned a bit, silently agreeing.