Between the Lines

Five - Calvin

I fall backwards onto my bed and stare at the ceiling. Unsure of what to think about, my brain defaults to thinking of Oliver. It's been around four weeks since we first met and we've already spent countless hours of our afternoons tucked away in the library. I don't recall the number of times we've met up or how long we spent together each time. I know we haven't met up every day, even if I wish we did, but it feels as if we have with how much time we've stolen from each other. I can't imagine what my parents would think if I disappeared to the Middle every afternoon for four weeks straight.

It's been four weeks since we met. That's twenty-eight days of him being on my mind 24/7. Almost 672 hours. I've never really felt like this before, and I don't know if I should. I know I've suspected it in the past, but I really don't want to admit it. I've always told myself to ignore it. But Oliver makes it so difficult.

I hide my face in my hands and take a deep breath. I hope he doesn't know what a mess he makes me. I don't know about him...

I don't know anything... it's just all so hard to explain.

I've always suppressed my feelings because no one I know thinks it's normal. So I just go with the crowd. Talk to girls, play with girls, sleep with girls, that's all the crowd wanted, and I didn't mind that, until I met Oliver. Now I'm just so confused.

I would be lying if I never considered not being straight. But now I really have to wrestle with the thought. Is he just nice? He's just so different from everyone I know, that's why he's so good to hang out with , that's why I can't stop thinking about him.

But who am I kidding? Not myself clearly.

It's not hard to see past it all. To realise that I am in love with Oliver Night.