i can't believe you're really here

i cant believe your really here - based on robindrake93's fic on ao3

Darius lay awake on one of the makeshift beds he and the other campers had made over the past couple weeks. However, Darius couldn't sleep. Could you blame him? Ben was back. He was alive and breathing. After so many nights of believing he might not have been alive, he was and the feeling that he was okay was so relieving.

The younger boy was currently staring at the other hoping that, even for a second, he wouldn't disappear. He couldn't look away. The fear that the boy he had presumed dead, would be gone in the blink of an eye was dreadful. Although Ben had been back for a few days now, he couldn't help but stare as he was afraid that none of this was real.

Darius and Ben had already reunited a few days prior but the other campers were around then. He couldn't have slipped up. He needed to be strong for them so they could get off this island. There wasn't time for Darius' emotions to get in the way.

Darius was struck out of his thoughts by none other than the boy that was plaguing his thoughts.

A quiet but firm voice spoke, probably to avoid awaking the other campers, "Are you going to keep staring or are you going to sleep? It's pretty late."

The voice startled Darius, "How did you-"

"I spent a lot of time alone, I know when something or someone is staring at me." Ben spoke bluntly as if he wasn't surprised by the action.

Darius was taken over by guilt. Had Ben been awake all these nights because of him? Darius looks away and turned the other direction, he couldn't bare to keep the other boy up for a second longer.

Ben sat up from the floor. Due to his absence he didn't have an 'official' bed but he slept wherever he put his pillow. Anytime someone offered him a bed the boy always said that it was more comfortable than the jungle floor and continued his habit.

Ben spoke quietly but softer than before, "Are you going to tell me why you were staring at me when you're supposed to be asleep? You need your energy for tomorrow in case we have to run."

Darius turned back towards Ben, "I don't know. I just.." He paused for a second gathering the right words to say, "I can't believe you're really here." He spoke quietly afraid the others would hear him in such a vulnerable state.

Ben's face softened, "Of course I'm really here and I won't leave either. I promise." Darius was slightly relieved but the thought of him disappearing never left his head.

"I know but" Again, trying to gather the right words, he sat up as well, "I keep thinking that you'll disappear when I look away and I don't want that to happen again." He looked down playing with his thumbs, picking at the skin from stress.

"And I'm sorry for letting you go on the monorail. If I had just held on a little longer you wouldn't have gone through that. Everything that happened to you was because of me." A few tears fell from his eyes after his rant, something that rarely happened as he was the leader and had to keep a strong profile in front of the campers.

Darius wouldn't dare to make eye contact with the other after that confession and for the first time in a while Ben had seen Darius without his walls to hide his emotions. Maybe because it was late and he wasn't in the right state of mind or because it was just the two without the other campers around. Neither knew but Darius knew that was a heavy confession and something Ben shouldn't have to deal with, seeing as he's already been though enough.

Ben got up and sat next to the younger on his makeshift bed. Darius still refused to look that the other.

Ben put a comforting hand and Darius' shoulder. This caused him to look at Ben.

"Darius, it was never your fault for what happened" Ben spoke carefully not wanting to make him feel worse than he already did.

"But it is my fault. You should hate me." Darius exclaimed quietly to avoid waking everyone up from their restless slumber.

"Darius, I don't hate you. And I never will."

"But-"

"No buts. I don't hate you I never could hate you."

Nothing was spoken between the two but Darius couldn't help but hug the other boy for comfort. Ben was taken aback but happily hugged him back.

The only thing that could be heard that night was Darius' quiet sobs while Ben rubbed circles on the the younger's back.

Eventually sleep had to come and the two slept in each others arms until morning.

Yaz was the first to awake and see the sight of the boys sleeping next to each other. She decided to leave to the boys to rest and would wake them when there was actual danger.

She assumed it had been a long night if Ben was sleeping next to someone, which was rare. The sight of Darius holding onto Ben's shirt like a lifeline and his face in the boys chest would make anyone assume so.

Soon everyone was awake and the two boys were awaken by the sound of Brooklyn squealing from the sight. Yaz tired to cover her mouth to avoid waking them up, seeing as they needed the sleep, but failed to do so.

Ben and Darius woke up to seeing Kenji yawning and heading to take a shower, not caring enough about the other campers. They saw Brooklyn ranting about how she wishes she had her camera to take a picture of the two boys sleeping and saw an annoyed Yaz complaining about how Brooklyn had woken them up. Sammy was in between the two agreeing with both of them two girls unwilling to choose a side.

Darius rubbed his tear stained eyes to avoid drawing attention to himself but had failed to do so after the sight of Ben and himself holding on to each other in their sleep. He didn't want the others to know about his breakdown last night. He wanted the others to see him as their strong leader, not some dependent kid that needed saving.

This didn't go unnoticed by Ben. He put a comforting hand on Darius' shoulder letting him know that everything would be okay.