art stuff

huh

I couldn't sleep at night because I kept thinking

If you say girl transgender does that mean female to male or male to female and if they say boy transgender does that mean male to female or female to male, what does cisgender mean, am I actually lesbian?, Why do some people think of lesbian as a woman being a man, do I want to be a man? Do I need to be a man? Maybe yes I want to be a man but I want to be a girl, wait no I
Want to be a girl more but I don't feel fully like a girl, does that mean I have to change my pronouns to they/her? Her/him? Is there even a flag for that kind of stuff!? I don't feel butterflies in my stomach when I see a girl nor a boy but if I see someone I like or someone that I like being with I uncontrollably smile and make noices, if that what love is?, If it's not then I can't love anyone anymore, does that mean I'll die alone? Was all my feelings towards a certain person I've been friends with all fake!? I'm thinking of someone and everytime I do it makes me feel weird inside.. not happy weird sad weird disgusting weird I don't like it, but maybe I do, do I like this certain someone? But I don't like them, I want to stay away from them I don't want to be around them what does this mean? Why do I keep craving for someone to hug me, not sexualized hug just hug hug, a hug that truly cares, a hug that feels nice and warm, why did my cat run away, is she really pregnant? If she was she would come back with her kittens, why does my other cat hate me? Does he not like me anymore? He doesn't eat much but he is so fat, what does my cats do when they're alone? Am I asexual if I don't feel butterflies in my stomach? Then that means I'm not lesbian I'm just asexual, but I want to love a girl, but I don't feel those feelings that are supposed to be love, is that even possible or ok? Why can't I be free, I miss her so much, does she hate me now, I want to have a best friend I can trust, just like her, but I can't, maybe I'm not asexual, beacouse I like her, does that mean I'm lesbian? But I need to like boys so I must be bisexual, but I don't like boys so I'm lesbian.. but I don't like anyone anymore so I'm asexual, but that doesn't count so I'm lesbian, but I kinda want to be a man so I'm transgender, but I don't fully want to be a man so I'm not? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FINDING OUT MY GENDER AND SEXUALITY IS SO CONFUSING I HATE THIS

And that's why I go to bed extra early so I can get enough sleep