In The Eyes of The Confessor | A Destiel Fanfiction | Supernatural

Chapter 8

When dawn broke the next day, everything felt sombre. There was no laughter floating up from the living room as Dean approached the stairs, only the sound of rain hitting against the side of the cabin. It had continued to rain all night, the wind blowing against the cabin so fiercely that Dean thought it would blow holes in the walls. Everyone was sitting on the sofas in front of the cold fire. Charlie had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and Jo had her head rested on the palm of her hand. They all looked so tired. The rain must have kept them all awake as well. Cas was sitting at the breakfast bar, just staring into his empty cereal bowl. Dean floated over to him and sat down, saying nothing. He caught Cas looking at him in the corner of his eye, but silence hung in the air between them.

"Do you remember that one time when we were kids and we were trying to build that raft to put in the lake?" Charlie's voice sounded loud in the room as she spoke, and Dean blinked a few times as the memory came to mind, like an old film flickering on a big screen in front of him.

"Yeah." Jo replied, though her voice was flat. "It managed to float for like three seconds and then sank."

Sam breathed a little laugh. "We should have known it wasn't going to work. After all, the majority of it was made out of cardboard boxes."

"I told you it wasn't going to work, but none of you listened to me." Dean glanced over his shoulder at the others as he spoke.

"Of course we weren't going to listen to you." Charlie smiled warmly. "We thought we could prove you wrong."

"I love hearing your childhood stories." Jess said and the atmosphere turned sad. "I wish I could have grown up alongside you all."

Cas got up at that moment and traipsed into the kitchen, flicking the switch on the kettle and waiting for it to boil. Dean let out a little sigh, knowing he would have to pluck up the courage to speak to Cas at some point. If he wanted the situation to be resolved, he'd have to at least contribute to it. He found himself getting to his feet and walking around the breakfast bar to meet Cas in the kitchen. His palms were sweating already and he could feel his legs trembling, but he sucked in a deep breath and spoke anyway, trying not to overthink.

"Cas, I just..." Cas turned his head to the side, looking at Dean from the corner of his eye. "I just wanna say that.... what I've done.... It's been shitty and--"

"You don't have to explain." Cas voiced, but Dean took a step forward and Cas turned his body so that they were now looking at each other.

"I do. I do have to explain." Dean averted his gaze momentarily, biting at his bottom lip for a second, trying to think of how the best way to speak his mind would be. "What we have, Cas... what I'm doing to you... it's toxic."

Shaking his head and furrowing his eyebrows, Cas leaned his hip against the kitchen counter a little. He looked at Dean as if he were stupid. "It's only toxic because we're not talking about it."
"I keep hurting you Cas. I can't keep doing this."

Cas' face dropped a little and he pressed his lips into a thin line. He visibly swallowed before the look in his eyes switched to slight uneasiness. "Dean, I want us to get past this. I'm tired of ignoring it. We can make this work."
"No, Cas. We need to stop." Dean cried, feeling his heart strings start to snap. He moved to the entrance to the kitchen, peering slightly over his shoulder as he went. "I'm trying to take responsibility for the things I've done."

Cas followed Dean out of the kitchen as he moved into the living area, everyone raising their heads towards the commotion.

"Is that supposed to be an apology?" Cas asked, but Dean didn't reply. "Talk to me!" Cas whined now, and Dean had never heard him speak in that tone of voice before. It only made it hurt more. "Please, Dean." He reached out a hand to grab at Dean's shoulder, but Dean shrugged it off.