The Babbling Blonde Boy

I messed up

                       - Shinso's POV -

Slowly I lose my anger and fear, and with it I realize what I've done. Kaminari stays no matter how hard I try to push him away but a person can only take so much rejection. Especially because I broke up with him.

I stare at the ceiling as I lie on my bed, arms and legs outstretched. A sinking feeling takes hold of me and I don't know if there's a way to fix what I have done.

My eyesight goes blurry and a tear slips down my face, "Fuck."

My voice is the only sound besides me breathing, everything else is quiet. There is no noise from the rest of class 1A, most likely they heard our fight. Though there are blankets and pillows cushioning me I feel freezing cold. Whispers of my breathe surround me, I clench my eyes close, wishing I could stop thinking. That I could rewind and do the last hours differently.

But it's too late. Slowly I push myself up on my elbows, deciding that I need to at least try to apologize. After getting up I leave my room, it's dark and only a few night lights show me my path. It's dark and the light is warm, but my mood makes the space seems small and foreboding.

Chills run down my back, someone has left a window open because a cool breeze brushes past me. I run my arms in attempt of warmth but find my fingers to be as cold as ice.

I walk down the halls until I come to stop at his door. It all seems to finalize. Like I'm about to walk into here and help him with math as he eats a bag of chips, playing movies in the background. Sighing I knock softly.

There's no answer.

"Hey, are you asleep?"

There's no answer again. He's either asleep or giving me the silent treatment. Fair enough. I continue on in hopes he's awake so he knows that I am here.

"I don't- ok, umm. What I said, I didn't mean a word of it. I never could, your the thing that has brought so much happiness into my life. I was being selfish and angry. I don't want to break up, far from it. You have to believe me, I'd do anything to prove it to you."

I sit down in front of his door and put my head in my hands. "I wish I could take it back, all of it. I'm grateful for you accepting me for all of my issues. You didn't stop when I tried to push you away and I'm glad you didn't. I don't want you to have to be the one who fixes things every time. So I'm sorry, I'm sorry for all the times I might have hurt you. For the times you had to be the one to find me and apologize and work things out. I don't deserve you. I just, I want you to know that you mean more to me than anything else."

Something takes control of me, I yell as Denki to go away, that I don't want him. My emotion bubble up and more vicious words fall out of my mouth. When I'm finally done, panting, standing at my door all I hear is silence. Then, after a few moments, a defeated apology comes from the other side of the door, and his footsteps fade away.

The memory stirs an emotion so hurtful in me that I have to bite my lip and ball my fists to not let it out. I stare up at the door, hoping I would hear the door knob turn, but nothing happens. The world is still.

So I push myself from the ground and look at the door with regret, knowing Denki lays behind it.

Leaning forward I press my forehead against the door, close my eyes and say, "Goodnight Denki."

The words, like the others before, echo through the hall even as quiet as I was. Then I turn and give him space.