There are times you're empty, but oddly, you also feel heavy, uneasy.
The sun has set, risen and set again.
Today was a normal day, an uneventful day.
But there's something missing. You get frustrated, unable to satisfy a desire you can't even name.
Did I say you? I must be honest and say this is actually about me. The way I feel can't be labeled as "the blues", it's more than that.
I think. I analyze. I look forward to things but realize, everything doesn't always go as planned. This is not a major life crisis. I count my blessings. I'm not experiencing extreme financial difficulties nor any emotional breakdowns.
But I'm weary and in need of motivation. However, one thing I won't do is think ahead or try to make sense of my emotional state as if I were a doctor; as if I could find some sort of cure. I don't own science, nor do I have magical powers. I'm going to drag myself to the shower to cool off or warm-up.
I opted for the warm-up; it is early November after all...
Where was I?
Oh yes, steaming water relaxing my muscles and improving my blood circulation, at least I hope so. Having a hot shower at midnight should be considered therapy. Really.
Water, water, water, and more water. Like wow! This water is life pouring over me. I could have a gulp but it wouldn't satisfy me enough.
The water gently touches me. My body isn't alarmed. I wonder why this sensation of tenderness feels strange. Heavenly. Foreign.
Nature has a way of loosening you up. It keeps you awake enough to witness your worries and frustrations melt into a puddle of mud.
You know, the type of mud estheticians massage on you in beauty centers. That's exactly what I need right now.
It makes me think about clay in the potter's hand, spinning on top of the wheel, curves being defined and redefined to perfection; smooth perfection.
I've got a habit of overthinking, trying to not be the fool that learns the lessons of life the hard way. Of course, I'm old enough to know that's inevitable.
There comes a time to tune out, wave farewell to the present, and to slide into slumber. Indeed, each day has enough trouble of its own.
My body's tired of my mind and vice versa. Sweet sleep is calling me. Tears are welling up in my eyes, working their way to my eyelids. It forms an embrace to release tension and pressure. Many are the burdens I have carried or left behind, thinking I was not worthy of a break.
If that's what it takes to be completely light, to appreciate the air I breathe, I'll take a break. I'll take a break and cry. Why hold on to chains that only suspends me above void, when I could simply fly?
Leave grudges, leave pride, fasten your belts on hope, and mount like eagles, I tell myself as I pull up the covers.
Goodnight...
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Words on my Mind - A poetic diary
Não FicçãoThe short version : It's a poetic diary! I speak on my life in my early 20s as I was living it, through poetry and conversation. There will be feelings, emotions, dreams and heartbreaks. Long version and background story : The mind can be a tortur...
