Redemption ||Bucky Barnes||

41. Back to the Start

There's only one word to describe Bucky's road to remembering: rollercoaster.

He was fine in the beginning. I tried to come around the same time since the first day. He never attacked me once. I did most of the talking, but he threw in a few words here and there. I could sense the trust building, he just wasn't showing it. He never asked for the muzzle back. I couldn't give it to him anyway, I kind of got rid of it. I didn't want to see it ever again after I had left his cell the first time.

Right at the first week mark, he had a relapse. The reason why: Steve Rogers. Well, I was part of the reason too; I encouraged Steve to come in, test the waters. It was such an awful idea. That day ended in bruises, groans, and guards sedating my boyfriend.

The progress died. Bucky went back to his cold shell, letting me do all the talking while he just stared at me. I would run through the key points every day: he was in the hands of good people, we wouldn't hurt him. He was still inclined to believe that once we got him to trust us that we'd conduct experiments on him.

Sometimes he sounded more like a frightened child than a broken man.

Into the second week, there was improvement. I got him talking again. He was sort of accepting his nickname, but I could tell he still didn't like it. I kept skirting around the real reason I visited him. I hadn't mustered up the courage to tell him my true connection with him. I had to at some point, I needed a potential breakthrough with him.

I wanted my best friend back.

Now, here I am, in week three, with Rogers right at my heels. I had the path to Bucky memorized by the first week. I made the decision this morning that I was going to get down to business.

When I go in, I don't see Bucky anywhere. I almost panic, because I assume the worst: that he somehow managed to escape. But then I hear movement from the bathroom. I lean against the door and wait. My fingers find the dog tags, and I feel my pulse throb in each finger.

I'm waiting almost ten minutes before he comes back out. He's shower fresh, with dripping tendrils of dark hair. He's in a basic black t-shirt, and black pants, something that resembles what he wore on the day we escaped Hydra.

My face grows hot when he realizes I've come to visit.

"You're early."

"Am I?"

"Yeah, you are." He shakes his head, drops fly everywhere around him. "Something's different. You wouldn't be here this early if everything was still the same."

"You're observant," I compliment him. "I figure it's time you know something about me."

"Okay...?"

"More like my connection to you."

"Aside from warden and prisoner?"

I roll my eyes. "Yes, aside from that. We know each other. We've known each other prior to this."

"I think I would've remembered someone like you."

"After your mind is wiped clean?" I try not to ask this sharply, but it comes out just like that. He sulks over to his bench/bed, and I take the usual few steps forward. I'm tempted to sit in the chair that's been here since two weeks ago. "Listen, Bucky..." I bite my lip. "We go back, not as way back as you and the Captain..."

His hands become fists. "I don't know him."

"Okay, okay," I say gently. "That's your belief, you just need time to accept that I'm telling the truth."