Baggage

Chapter 1

I slammed my door so hard the whole house felt like it was going to fall. 'She has no right to tell me what I can and can't do' I thought. I go to my bed and that's when the tears start to fall.

Gosh I hate when this happens. I always feel so weak in these situations and because I'm only 16 I can't do anything about my situation. But I'm upset because my mom just yelled at me, yet again, because of something so stupid.

'She can be such a bitch sometimes.' I thought. I let out one big yell sigh out of anger and hate but most of all sadness. Sadness because I know it's partly my fault because I shouldn't have said anything. Sad because I hate fighting with her even when she gets like this. It's almost like she picks fights on purpose just because she's the parent and she can.

*knock knock* I can tell by the way it's only been minutes that it's my dad coming to check on me to see what's going on. My mom only checks on me a few hours after out fights. "Hey sweetie, what's going on? What was all that about?" " I don't know dad. It's like we can't even be in the same room with one another for more than an hour before I say something 'stupid' and it turns into an argument. I'm just so tired of trying, so tired of not being enough for her. Don't you ever get tired of people putting you next to someone and them telling you that you aren't as good, strong, pretty, smart, talented, or liked as much as them?" I try to say with a calm voice but I know I starting to raise.

"No dad, you don't because that doesn't happen to you. You are the good dad who took care of his daughter and is now taking care of his son and caring for his wife his 2 dogs and a cat. All the while im still being set up to fail. It feels like mom is trying to rub in my face that she will always be better than me because that is what she has really been saying all these years. Right? I went to school worked two jobs took care of Alex and that was hard but I went to school to be a nurse and I didn't get the job so now I am stuck doing a job I hate, having to pick up everyone else's slack. Like dad I love her. Okay? I really do but I can't handle her when she gets like this. You know that." I say trying to lower my voice so she doesn't hear me.

"Baby you don't know how hard your mom had it-" he starts but i cut him off "She doesn't know how hard I have it! I am so tired of people telling me that she had it so hard. I know she did dad I'm not stupid and I'm not blind. But she doesn't know how hard it is to be me. Having to tiptoe around all the words I say just so I know she can't pick a fight. But even then she somehow finds a way. Dad, my brother was adopted by my aunt, my biological mom wants nothing to do with me or him, my aunt has somehow turned him against me, my grandparents just died, I haven't seen my brother in almost 6 years! My biological mom is now trying to have a relationship with me after doing drugs and giving me up. And now she is taking care of someone else's kids! How is that supposed to make me feel? Oh ya my life is just so great because I have a mom and a dad who love me. No, I have a sad heart and too many of my tears have hit the floor because of both of my moms. I am sick and tired of being little miss perfect for everyone around me. Okay? So from now on I will be a lifeless girl in a shell. Because I'm tired of fighting, being mad, and being sad all the time. I'm done." I say, tears rolling down mine a his face.

"Goodnight dad." I say and I shut the door one more time for the night. That's when everything really settles. All the hate, the rage, and the sadness. I sit on the floor and I cry. I dont move for 30 minutes. Tears have stained my cheeks and my eyes are bloodshot. I look at my arm, and I have the sudden urge to scratch. Like if I scratch hard enough all my emotional pain with turn into physical pain and go away. So I scratch, and scratch, and scratch a little more until my arm is so red it looks like blood, but none poors out. I wont let it. This is the only way my secret stays a secret. I look at myself in my mirror 'Gross' I think. I get a wipey and clean off the tears and the make up from that day. I look at it and it tells the story of my day. How much I sweated off during cooking class, how much I cried off during the argument. How many times I've laughed when Mia or Zack told a joke. I put on some new clothes. I'm not leaving my room so I'm not showering tonight, I put my hair up and I lay in bed.

I sit there for 2 hours and I can't sleep. How can someone lay in a comfortable position and not fall alseep? I try to get all the negative thoughts and emotions out of my brain but it fells almost impossible. So I get up and look outside of my window. I see Zack and Mia's house across the street. 'Should I? No, I shouldn't it's late they are probably asleep.' I thought. But maybe thinking about my day tomorrow will help me sleep. And it does.

A/N quick authors note. I have looked at this chapter over and over hoping I made no mistakes. If there are any feel free to comment and I will try my hardest to fix it. This is my first story so please be mind but let me know if you want to see specific things happen. But I dont allow hate. If I see any I will be blocking. Thank you all for your support on reading my book and I hope you enjoy the rest of it.
-All the love, Chrissy Lee