Messages to my sister

Email 6

From: gracepeirson
To: Dahlia

14/06/17

Subject: Why

Dahlia,

Oh why, oh why must the world be so cruel my dear Dahlia,
I am a piece of gum on a sidewalk,
people step all over me,
they do not understand how I see the world,
they do not understand how people treat me,
I pale under the gaze of the sun,
sinking into the grey concrete,
never to be noticed,
but I am still there
I always will be
trapped on the stone
with nowhere to go

Let me explain.

My job interview was today, it was an amazing opportunity. I would have been able to work on a huge project. I would work and develop with others to produce a sculptural piece which would be positioned outside the British museum for 6 months! I would have done talks and media advertisement for the project. The interview was to work on the companies social media page, but I would have also been able to submit any pottery I wanted to art galleries.
I walked into the building, dressed up in my navy blue suit. Hair tied painfully tight in a plait. I sat in the waiting room outside of one of the workshops, I could smell the clay and heard the people in the room talking. I imagined myself being in the conversation, sharing ideas that I had brainstormed and talking about weekend plans. I was overly enthusiastic, setting my hopes too high.
A tall man with dark hair, cut short to the scalp, then came out of an office. He called my name and I headed into the room. I can't remember this clearly as it was all a blur, panic was coursing through my veins. Nervous energy took over all my senses.
The interview was going well until the end, I was talking about my GCSE and A levels. I told the man about my love of pottery from a young age and how incredible it would be to work properly with a team of skilful artists. He asked me what I could bring to the team and what experienced that I would be looking for. Before the end of the meeting, the man asked me whether I had and queries. I took this as my opportunity to ask if I could work from home a few times a week, not every day, just enough so I can have a break from overstimulation inbetween. He asked me why this was a question, he seemed very confused. I started to explain about my autism and how I needed specific locations and enviroments to work in. I said it was perfectly fine if the company was not able to provide this and that I can look for other organisations, that I was just wondering. He didn't talk while explaining this, he just sat there, looking at me as if I was something else.

When I stopped he started talking, and he did not hold back.

All his thoughts and opinions, that were curdling in his mind, came flowing out like water behind a broken damn. He believed that Autistic people could not make it in any society or career, and if any company wanted to hire me, they would be crazy and burden themselves with my needs. I just knew that I did not belong here, especially if they would not treat me with respect. I stood up, grabbed my bag and stormed out of the room. I didn't stop or second guess my decision until I was sitting alone in my car. I cried until my eyes were red and my head was pounding.

Why does the world have to be so cruel
I wish that car had never crashed, because I miss you so much Dahlia. I miss you so very much.

I'm just trying to do my best.

💚Hi everyone! I really hope you enjoyed this short read. Please leave in the comments and advice or any thoughts. Thank you so much for reading to the end!💚