Addict

Part Four- Ray

I'm at Ray's until late tonight. Them I'm going to Sam's. Ray has gotta be one of my best best friends. We've been through a lot, he and I. I can say that he knows more about me than most people do. Details that I don't share with all but three people. Nothing against my other friends, but he's special. We started walking. Like we always do. We don't know where we're going most of the time, he always brings spray paint, to mark things, so we can get back. He handed me a cig, and lit it for me while I took a drag. He always hits me up. With all the shit. But that's not why I'm his friend though. People say that about me and all my friends. But what the people don't understand is that they're my family really,not friends. I don't use them for nothing. I need them, but not for the drugs they can get me. At least not unless you count care and love as drugs, which someone with a philosophical outlook on life might. But I'm not particularly good at looking for philosophical perspectives.

So he and I were walking, and this is where I fucked up. Typical me. Ray stops dead, and pulls a tin can out of his pocket.
"What the hell do you have there?" I asked.
"It's acid bro." He said, with a sly smile like he was king of the world and had just showed me a switch that controlled it all.
My eyes widened. I can't say that I haven't pictured myself doing it, or wondering what it would be like.
"You want some?" He asked.
I had to swallow hard. I bit my lip. It was hard actually, to make the decision. But I'm a screw up, and he's my bud.
"Uhm, well.. Ya know what man, yeah. Hand me a sheet."

And like that, I had acid. I put it on my tongue. Fuck I'm so stupid. I felt it combining with my body. I liked the feeling, a lot. It was better than weed. Trippy as hell. The world was all the wrong colors. Fuzzy. I rolled around the woods with him. We started following the Orange circles home. We stumbled back to James Brooke. The dumbass walked right into the park sign. Ate shit. I was dead ass laughing so hard. I had never seen anything funnier than that. Man, I don't know what I was thinking though. You ever come out of acid? It's not fun. Everything is scary. You feel like tire dying in a way, because the distorted world is so pleasing, and it slowly get worse and worse as the normal world is exposed.

Well fuck. I can't say I didn't want more. But the last thing I need is another addiction. I had predicted that Ray had already done every drug in the world, but I didn't see this coming for a strange reason. And I didn't see myself doing it too. I guess I never cease to surprise myself. I regret this one. Weed is different, and so are cigarettes, they relax me. But this, this changed the world in my eyes. I loved it. I hated accepting that though. I don't wanna be anything when I'm older. I don't wanna be a college graduate, and I don't wanna be dead. I just wanna float. On the smoke cloud I exhale. But no smoke comes from this stuff. This is new. I was scared if I'm being honest. The coming out of it was hell, but I was glad when my brain was back to normal. Well, not glad, relieved. I'd do it again, if it wasn't gonna jeopardize everything I'm trying to get. I feel like I'm working hard. Not that I'm gonna stop smoking, sorry, but there are plenty of semi-successful smokers. I don't know though. I don't know all that much if I'm being fair. I like to think I do, but I'm clueless about this world. I know what I know, which isn't enough. Maybe I'm wrong about how this is all gonna work out, but I've been on my own for a while now, and considering that, I think I'm doing myself good. I haven't let myself down bad like everyone tells me I will.