You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

The feeling of love

Liz's pov

It was full-on raining when I get to the front door. Because why not? The clouds must have rolled in earlier, but I hadn't noticed that until I'd gotten outside. And by then it was too late to run all the way back up to my apartment, unlock the door, grab an umbrella, lock the door again, and run back down. I figured if I was fast I could book it. My job wasn't much more than. What? Ten minutes away? If I ran and stuck to staying beneath the trees and awnings I'd be okay. I was wrong. I was so foolish and wrong. I fling open the door to "Anime heaven store" with enough strength to make a bear envious. Sweet ramen noodles...

Boss:there you are! I was starting to wonder if you'd ever show up!

I felt a tick vein on my head and my eyes twitch.

Liz's thoughts:I will kill this man.

Liz:yeah. Um. Sorry. You kind of caught me on my day off, you know? I uh...I wasn't exactly expecting this.

He looks at me deftly, like he can't fathom how that and weather like this would affect my arrival time.

Boss:well you're here now. That's all that matters!

Hm. What a flippant change of tone.

Boss:why don't you go freshen up and I'll leave you to do your thing. Again, I'm so sorry to inconvenience you like this. I would have loved to give you more of a heads up, but...you know. Carol really should have called me sooner too. If you think about it, we're both caught up in this, haha! I had to come in on my day off too, you know. Oh well.

Somehow I don't feel like we're on the same level of inconvenience. I reluctantly head into the back, shake myself off, and throw on my vash the stampede costume from trigun stampede that completes my "employee ensemble". The irony of it all. Hallucinating a clown. And then going to work dressed up like an anime character. At least they don't make you wear make up anymore. Not after an employee had an allergic reaction to the materials they were made of. Rest in peace Angelia. Before long I settle into my spot at the counter and my boss heads on out. I smile stiffly. I almost hope he sees how reluctant I am to do so.

Liz:mm hm! Got it! Bye!

He can't leave soon enough. With the tink of the door bell, he's gone. And then it's just me and the rain.......me. The rain. And jack.

Liz:well. It looks like I'm gonna be stuck here for a while. Are you sure you don't like...have anything else you'd rather be doing?

It feels weird to have him just...there. Standing there and not able to do anything really. I wanna feel bad, but what else can I do? Send him home? Have him wait for me there? He perches on the counter next to me cheerfully, through. It washes away some of my worries.

Jack:and leave you all by yourself? What kind of a friend would I be if I did that?

He seems back to his chipper self. His chipper, naive self. Now that the rushing and the rain and all that has passed, I find my mind drifting back to the strangely intimate moment that happened not even an hour earlier. My cheeks begin to burn as I realize and remember. Did that really happen? I-I think it did? He was so warm...and for a second. Maybe more. I needed him. What would have happened if my boss hadn't called? I see him now. Looking so kindly and innocent. My blood is hot and cold in my veins at the same time.

Jack:...it's okay, you know.

Liz:it's ok to what?

Jack:it's okay to feel that way about someone

Liz:feel what way?

Jack:to like having them around. And to want them. That's very normal.

Liz:want...?

Jack:sometimes you'll meet people in your life who are very special to you. And you'll like being around them. And you'll want to be around them a lot. It's nothing to be afraid of. That feeling...is called love.

I spit take my water that I was drinking and I coughed a few times and i look at him face blushing.

Liz:LOVE?!

He chuckles nonchalantly. Like he didn't just drop the L word. Like he didn't just...I feel my chest getting tight. I sputter.

Liz:d-dude...you can't just...wait...do you even know what that word means?

Jack:love? Of course I know what love is, silly. Love is when...someone and you just. Fit. It's like having a best friend who you want to be friends with forever. It's special and it makes you feel good in your heart.

That is. A very child friendly way to put it. But it works.

Liz:okay. So you do know.

Jack:mmhm. Understanding feelings isn't always easy. But that's why I'm here. I can help you understand them...

Liz:I am not feeling love.

Jack:no?

Liz:a-absolutely not! And even if I was what would I be loving? It's not like I like...like anybody.

Jack:...do you love me?

I felt my face getting warm. I have to stop myself from being winded by the bluntness of his question. You can't just ask that. Can you just ask that?! He just stands there, looking cool as a cucumber. Looking he didn't just drop a bomb on me while staring expectantly. What do I even say the that?

Jack:if you do...it's okay. Love is a good feeling to have. Why wouldn't I want you to feel it?

Liz:love is a...strong feeling, more like. It's...its complicated. A-and it means a lot more than feeling good!

Jack:it is complicated sometimes, that is true. It's not always easy to understand all at once because of that. You're very smart, Liz. I'm glad you understand these things. I trust you if you say that it's not. But if you think it is...you call tell me. I'll be here for you either way. I just want what's best for you.

What's best for me...is this...really what's best for me?. I almost shudder at that thought. I don't feel like I really deserve that kind of attention...you know? It doesn't feel natural to have somebody just...ask you to consider that...but it feels good too.

RING-RING!!!

My phone rings. Today, answering phones as they ring seems to be a dud choice. And I really shouldn't be answering my phone on the clock. But then again. I'm alone. And it's freakin, storming outside. Who's going to come and drink cold boba drinks at this time of day, in this weather? Not a single person, that's who. Jack looks at me expectantly. I just kinda meekly shrug.

Liz:I-I should answer this...I mean I technically shouldn't, but-

Jack:hey. It's okay. I'll be right here, okay?

He almost seems to be granting me permission again. And I accept once he bequeaths this blessing once me. I pop into the back room real quick. There's a part of the kitchen where the cameras don't reach, and everybody knows about it. Usually stay used for sorting and chopping yogurt toppings or making out with coworkers. I'd say a phone call isn't the worst thing that's happening here. So, it's probably alright, right? I push the call button and answered.

Liz:hello?

But before I knew it. The voice of someone that I wanted to forget for a long time has come to haunt me.

???:...Liz? You...you actually picked up?