where do we stand (MonSam)

chapter 3 (never let me go)

Previously on the last chapter
(When mon turned to Khun Sam and when their eyes met the second time tonight, she knew what was already coming for her.)

she detonated the bomb. 
“Stop being so fucking annoying for once, Khun sam!” shouted mon as she slapped Khun Sam hand away from her. “Are you really that insensitive?! Can’t read the mood?! Actually, didn’t I say enough earlier?! Not to speak?! That I am tired?! I just fucking wanted this day to fucking end in peace, sam! But no, you fucking chose to get on my nerves and kept rambling on your own like a fucking child who wanted attention!”
“I’m not a child, mon.”
“Then try to act like one,” spat mon before she slammed the door to the bathroom. 
Khun Sam was flabbergasted as she tried to process what just occurred. she let out a heavy breath, which she didn’t realize she was holding back only until she felt her chest tightening, and then got choked on her sob as the tears started cascading down his face, her trembling hand gripping on his mouth to stop herself from crying out loud that just definitely made it harder for her to breathe.

Mon was smoldered with resentment and her every word cut like a knife. Khun Sam already knew mon had a sharp-tongue. she had witnessed it first hand during hazing sessions with how mon cursed and insulted her. she saw her like that as well with her friends, but it was mostly carried out as a joke, and never had she heard mon speak with so much venom as if Khun Sam was the root cause of all this—whatever this was. As if sam was the reason their lives started fucking up. 

As sam collapsed on the floor, she looked up at the door of their bathroom and the lashing out that happened flashed before his eyes. she suddenly felt scared because the walls in their house multiplied and Khun Sam felt too small and suffocated. she didn’t know how to even start breaking down those walls, if she could even break them down to begin with because if they went on with the attitude of not confronting the elephant in the room, it would grow bigger, the walls would multiply, until it consumed them and before they knew it, they were already too late. 

And that was what Khun Sam feared the most. she started crying harder when the image of mon leaving him flashed before her eyes. Feeling the fear enveloping him, she shakily stood from the ground and gathered herself to walk towards the bathroom. she gripped on the doorknob for support as her other hand clutched on her chest, letting out small breaths of air in between her sobs to try to calm herself down. However, she was failing miserably because the tears just kept flowing and the pain was becoming harder to bear. 

“mon...babe” she whispered in between her sobs as she turned the doorknob and she was surprised the door wasn’t locked. she pushed the door open and what she saw broke her even more. There was mon sitting on the floor under the running shower, still in her clothes, as her hands were pressed against her mouth to conceal her sobs. 

Khun Sam felt her word shattering around her as she saw how devastated mon was. “babe…” 

Khun Sam immediately dashed towards mon, turned off the shower, and held her trembling figure in her embrace, burying mon face on her chest. she started mumbling ‘ I’m here ’ repeatedly as she pulled her closer and ran her hand up and down on mon's back to make her feel she was there with her

They remained in that position for more than 10 minutes and sam had already calmed down. However, mon didn’t seem like she’d calm down soon and that worried sam especially when she started sobbing harder until she couldn’t breathe properly anymore. 
khun sam pulled away a little and held up one hand to mon's face. mon's let him but her eyes were still downcast.

“mon, please breathe with me.”
But monwasn’t responding. 
Khun Sam then lifted her head by her chin and their eyes met for the third time. This time, mon's eyes were no longer seething in anger. They were red due to crying but they were much calmer. However, Khun Sam saw something more in her eyes she couldn’t describe. Was it guilt? Regret? Pity? Khun Sam couldn’t tell. 
“Breathe, mon, please.” 
Khun Sam inhaled and mon followed her before they exhaled together. They repeated that cycle until mon found her breathing again, but tears were still falling nonstop. 
“Better?”