Will you still love me?(Tate Langdon)

Chapter seventeen

The ringing in my ears never stops, the pounding in my head never stops, the sickness in my stomach NEVER STOPS. I used to wonder what it was like to go insane, but now I think I know. I wish I didn't, I killed teachers, students, I hate myself everyday for it, I want to kill myself, oh wait already did but that didn't solve my problems for SHIT.

Everything got so fucked, I fucked it, no dirty pun intended. Raven Harmon, that's who I used to be, funny, pretty, dirty minded, kind-ish, but I'm definitely not her anymore, I'm still dirty minded and kinda pretty I guess. But definitely not kind-ish anymore. You could ask Lacey Gonzalez, Trevor pine, or even Jake patten. I shot them all, not to mention Mrs whetherbee. God I'm awful. I'm an awful person, I've accepted it. I'm a low-life, shitface, bitchy, disgusting, vile, horrible, fucking woman. Also known as Raven Harmon, well I was. You know since I'm dead and an awful person maybe I'll take up a new name. Scarlett? Maybe?Sky? That's a shit name. Carmen? Ooh I like it, sounds feisty. But my gym teachers name was Carmen, I didn't shoot her... I don't think? Maybe I did? Nah.. wait.. nah.. new subject!

Tate is back with violet, I'm glad she hasn't killed herself I don't wanna be stuck with her ass for all eternity I would be even more miserable, she and Tate would be all lovey dovey then I'd probably try and kill myself all over again, it's just be like. Again, again,again,again, that could be fun actually.... Tryna make up new ways. Oh my god I'm awful. I love how I switch from trying to be good to awful again, Ooh I could lure people in and kill them- GOD DAMMIT. I can't stay good for more than 10 seconds now can I? Makes a lot of sense a LOT of sense. God I make myself laugh sometimes, I really am one crazy mother fucker. I love being crazy, I think that's bad, we'll to bad. I'm rhyming, I think, I'll sound totally dumb.

We all go crazy eventually. Most people go honkers, I meant bonkers, honkers sounds kinder better though, anyways,they usually go bonkers when they are about to kick the fuckin bucket. I need to watch my language, meh I'm dead who the FUCKK cares. Ha ha ha, I'm sorry for that, what was I saying before?  Oh yeah, when people usually go crazy. Most peoples minds take their time, like when they have dementia, or any other old people disease, I don't know any fucking names of those diseases, I don't read articles, boring waste of time. God I need to stay on one subject I'm all over the fuckin place.

You know what? I wonder if I can eat. I could totally go for some pho right now. Meh probably not and I don't really know how to show myself to people all that much, I think they get to choose to see you? Maybe the other way around? I don't know anymore, I never paid attention when Tate talked about that shit I was to busy admiring him. Oh shit Tate.. Tate.. the man that ruined my life!! Wait it's not his fault. Maybe it is, maybe he can be the person I can blame?!  No that's not fair.. maybe it is? That fucker fucked me over. That mother fucker!! That mother fucker? No he didn't do this.. did he? God I'm ranting. There's no point in fucking ranting when it will get me nowhere. I'm just fucking ranting to rant but I'm not even ranting to anybody. Well whoever's reading this, I guess. You know what's not fair. That I went FUCKING BONKERSSS. B O N K E R S S S S S S S S S S S S. BO NK ER S. BON KERS. Ok ok ok ok I'm done saying bonkers now, at least for now. Well anyways back to what I was saying, I don't get to become a famous actress or singer like I wanted.. I mean.. I'm still pretty famous. Westfield highschool shooter Raven Harmon.. did I ever tell y'all my middle name? It's Harper. I hate my middle name. It makes me wanna kill myself... again. Well anyways back to something else!

There was a new artist going to debut sometime in the next year or so, Lana del Rey. She seemed like she would be good from the little snippets I heard. To damn bad I don't get hear her music now. That's another thing that's not fair!! I guess what's really and truly not fucking fair is the lives I stole, lives I took, lives I claimed. Not really fair to those people I guess, I didn't even fucking know them. I only knew one, he called me emo one time. That wasn't really a reason to blow his brains out I guess, wait. Not I guess, it wasn't a good reason. Fuck I'm doing it again, I'm wallowing in my own self fucking pity. I need to stop pitying myself, well. I guess just now I wasn't putting myself, I was pitying him. God do you want to know the worst part? I don't even remember his name. I knew a few names of the people I shot because I stole violets computer just to look it up and be proud of myself. Good fucking gracious I'm fuckin awful! A w f u l. I'm a w f u l! I'm awful? I'm
h o r r i b l e. I'm horrible? Im awful and horrible?!? I'm both deep down I know it. Good fucking god, im awful. DAMN IT, my fucking self pity again, self pity ass whore. Im an attention whore aren't I? Yes the fuck I am.

I pick up a vase in my old room and throw it across the room. I hear footsteps running towards my room, "fuck was that?" Tate says loudly. "Why do you care you cunt?" I ask, with a sour tone.
"Name calling now?" He says smirking.
"If the glass slipper fits." I say sourly.
"So this is how it is now ray?" He says smirk fading.
"Yep this is how it is now, this is where we are now baby and you did it to yourself." I say with a smile. I'm crazy as fuck, I can say hurtful things with a smile, I like this. I don't think I should like this, this is why I'm awful, makes a lot of sense.
"I didn't do shit to myself." He says, sourly.
"Oh yes the fuck you did, I know you wallow in self pity." I stay stepping close to him, he backs up a bit.
"No the fuck I do not, I don't wallow in self pity. He spits back.
"Oh really? You think I don't see you head in your hands? Standing in corners staring off into blank space." I spit back quickly.
"I- I don't do that."
"Yes you do Tate. Just admit it."
"I'm not admitting something that's not true."
"Okay, well, get the fuck out."
"Fine I just came to check if you were ok."
"Like you fucking care."

AUTHORS NOTE!!
I dunno if I'm gonna finish this. I'm not totally into this show as much as I was back when I originally started this story. If I get enough feedback telling me to continue I might but, if this gets almost no views I'm not finishing.
Xoxo abi <3