me venting

the surface of my problems

Well since I was young my parents fought, after awhile I found out out self harm and I started to do it. My parents didn't know I was depressed neither did I tbh until I have some ppl point out the symptoms for depression so yeah. I'm pretty sure we all cry ourselves to sleep like who doesn't at this point, but I cry myself to sleep in fear of going to a Psych Ward bc I was threatened I will get sent there by someone I know. Which ofc scared me like who wouldn't be scared? Then theirs just me self harming almost and chance I get. For example I see a sharp object

Cut

That simple yk? Oh and here's a story where my depression got a bit too far:

So it was like 12-1 AM and I was crying like usual, but my dad saw me and told me to go to bed and he took my phone

I fell asleep like and hour or so later and when I woke up I got ready and went to school depressed for than ever and I didn't even know it. I sat down in class and it was normal until I saw my scissors...

I saw them and without thinking I started to cut myself. I was laughing like a manic too. We were aloud to talk and my friends continued to tell me to stop but I just didn't listen.

I went to the bathroom and cutted myself more and more. Crying and laughing like a lunatic. I got sent down to the office and I saw the councilor, she spoke with me and all I did was lie to her. Most things were true but then again most were lies. I was there for a couple hours before break. My parents came at that time (more like my dad did) and I got sent home for a 'mental health day'

When we got home my dad scolded me, saying if I didn't stayed up he wouldn't be in the mess, but I didn't know what he meant by that. Turns out I had to go to therapy. Long story short it didn't even help

~end of story~

I would tell the whole thing but I'm too lazy to. But anyways I always hated myself for anything I did,
the way I looked.
the way I dressed.
the way I talked.
Name it and i would be inscure for that reason.

I just hated myself and wanted to end it so badly. And everyone at school definitely didn't help, it made it worst in fact. Like would you expect kids bullying me for having depression and cutting and then kids bullying me for being pansexual/transgender helping?

There's this stuffie I always love, and I'm cuddling with it rn in fact. I love it bc it made me feel safe and it still does! We went through similar things considering I had it since I was young (LIKE REALLY YOUNG-) and I loved it. When I wasn't near it I got scared easily yk? That makes me a little bit of a pussy but who cares.

I fell asleep after writing that so I'm at school now- anyways I get bullied a lot for what I like and for being Pansexual and Transgender. I wont even know the person and they be talking trash about me-💀