When Spring Died

Chapter Fifteen

Sasha was late, dinner was cold, and Ivette could not think of a single thing to say to Prince Mathias.
It was the following evening, the preceding day having been uneventful after Sasha's arrival, further marked only by the somewhat solicitous appearance of the remainder of the Rysslandic embassy. Ivette had chosen not to greet them. Oh, she knew it was rude, but she pleaded a sudden bout of unwellness, and with her excuse passed on, she was saved from the possibility of any further surprises amidst the Rysslandic nobles. Consequently, she knew she hadn't endeared herself to the embassy because of it.

Now she'd invited both Sasha and Mathias to dine with her in the hopes of at least discussing something of import without the prying ears of their lords and advisors. She had no idea how to broach the subject of finding a god since there was truly no delicate way to go about it. Furthermore, the thought of becoming so vulnerable, of exposing the most unpropitious secret she'd ever had to maintain...it planted a fear deep, deep within her that she felt taking form with disquieting rapidity. Though she knew what she had to do, finding the strength to do it proved difficult beyond anything she'd imagined.

She did not feel she could discuss it with Mathias alone, but simultaneously she dreaded revealing it to Sasha. Entrusting him with anything caused a dull ache to throb in her heart.

The round table she and Mathias sat at wasn't very large, decorated with nosegays of flowers: yellow roses, forget-me-nots, a few sprigs of salvia. The dim glimmer of candle flame flickered and sparkled in the reflections of wine glasses and silverware. And the food--roast duck and several platters of fruit sliced and arranged in a way that was far too artistic for something intended to be eaten--remained untouched. Ivette couldn't have eaten even if she'd tried. Her stomach felt about as small as a rock, and the thought of food made her feel ill.

The fact that Mathias sat resolute, silent, and still to her left made her even less inclined to do anything other than sip water from her glass. Mathias drank nothing, instead staring fixedly at a spot on the table with apparent detachment. She didn't want him to look at her. The way he could stare right through her made her uneasy.

How was she supposed to speak to such a passive, taciturn boy? Where could she begin? The weather? But no one cared about that, and anyway, there was no point in commenting on how lovely the weather was when it would be otherwise before long. There were only so many times she could feign interest in a futile topic.

She could ask about his homeland...yes, that might work. Surely he must be passionate about the land of his birth, and even if she hadn't invited him in particular, it was still an opportunity to unveil the layers of reclusion and secrecy his country had shrouded itself in.

"Your Highness," she ventured. Mathias slowly lifted his head, his shrewd eyes boring into Ivette's. "Tell me...what is Norvége like?"

He drew a slight breath. "I suppose one might say my country is more...unpredictable than Frantsiya." His voice remained as muted as when they'd first met. "Knowledge and wisdom are prized. In fact, scholars are held in higher esteem than the nobility. There is color, life. Perhaps the most beautiful thing about it is the fjords..." He caught Ivette's look of confusion and his lips pursed in a strained line, whether with mirth or annoyance, she didn't know. "Those are ancient inlets cut into the mountains by glaciers centuries ago. Some days it is warm, and other days it is not, but the air is so crisp and clear you might think you could snap it between your fingers."

"It sounds lovely," said Ivette.

"Yes, but unfortunately it is a constant reminder of untimely ends. Life though there may be, oftentimes everything else is half-dead. But that's how it is with autumn."

"And you are used to that? A state of half-life?"

"Half-death," Mathias corrected, though Ivette didn't see much difference between the two. "Since it's all I've ever known, I've never cared. At least--" Here he paused, studying Ivette so harshly that she found it difficult to sit still. "--at least not until--"