our dark love

chapter 13

Lesego

She is resting her beautiful head on my chest and you can tell by just looking that that's where she belongs and she takes in a lengthy breath and I guess she has been holding her breath in anticipation of the conversation we are about to have because this is about the next level our relationship is about to have and our future generations "so" and that what she only says "yes so can you be my wife and mother my kids" and I shoot straight so she knows I mean business and I'm glad she is calm and relaxed "yes that" what does she mean that because it would mean the world to me if agreed "is it a bad thing that I want to keep you forever" and that irritate her so much when I say I want to keep her "well I give you ten out of ten for you romance sir because that is the words every woman wants to hear from a man who is proposing marriage" and she just shot her own foot "wait a minute sis can you hold your horses a bit I'm not proposing this just a conversation" and she bust out laughing "you are an idiot" and it's my turn to laugh "but on a serious note babe what are your reservations on this issue"

Her:it's not that I don't want to be your wife my love it's just that I was raised by a single mom and it was difficult on her raising me alone and she had no option because my dad died before I was born and his family hated my mom so I inherited the hate as well so it has always been a fear of some sort, that's why when I got engaged the first time I wanted it to be perfect and I made sure not to fall pregnant before marriage and I tried to fit in his family but because of all that planning the relationship it self become a full time job and obsession so that is the reason we broke off engagement and after that I went back to being just me alone like after my mom died and your sister has always been the only constant thing in my life so when she took me with during that whole safe house saga I knew I had my family and things between us just escalated and this is my safe place with you and Lesedi so if things would not work between us then I wouldn't want it to affect the family that God and my mom blessed me with so marriage might do that and they will be forced to choose you if something goes wrong" and she takes in breathe and I'm brushing her back in assurance

Me:but babe why should we base it on failing even before we start the journey. My love I want to spend the rest of my life with you and your reservations are keeping us from being a proper family and it's also delaying my son coming to the world and experiencing all of your gorgeousness. because I will not have my son being born out of wedlock and I'm sure that I'm impregnating you so now do you see my struggle'

And she giggles buring her cute face on my chest "can you be serious please, but how am I going to get over this thing if you don't give a chance to adjust to the idea of us as married couple"

Me:"rato Laka there is nothing to adjust to just answer these questions and I will know that you are ready or not" and she adjust herself and nods "do you ever see me as your husband in this life or the next?" "Yes I'm happy with you and our baby so without a doubt yes" and I sigh heavily and I think it's because of the anticipation for the answer and what it means to me that she sees a life with me "so most importantly do ever wish to have Motaung as your second last name because I know you wouldn't want to change your surname" and she plays with her fingers shy to admit it "well that was even before we ever got together I had always wished for Alutha and I to become siblings instead of just friends and for your dad to look at me with pride like he does ALu but that sorely comes from not ever experiencing a father's love and sibling rivalry and I only saw it with you guys and I wanted it so yes I want to be a Motaung but not for you but for me, I'm selfish right?" I never thought it was that deep but she has also never opened to being this vulnerable to me she is always this strong happy woman I never saw her for the having issues like the rest of us so it goes back to the saying the happy ones are always the troubled ones "but my love if you don't give yourself the opportunity to be vulnerable and show me your naked self then how am I going to know you always give me happy, crazy and sexy confident I mean and it's only now I see this side of you but I bare it all out for you to see I mean with me you knew from the get go that I was fucked up and you accepted me flaws and all" I'm hurt that she saw it better to deal with things on her own while I'm here maybe she doesn't trust me enough to share her inner most darkest fear with me. She adjusts her self to sit on top of me and she leans in cupping my face and looking me straight in the eyes "it not you it's just that the world has never dealt me the fair amount of cards on hand and I adjusted to it dealing me the worst hand so I put up a facade that all is well,so this is a self defence mechanism on my part from a young age it has nothing with us and yes I'm fucked up like the rest of you but I don't let it determine my life and happiness because the world is a fucked place already so why give it the satisfaction of beating you up that's my take on life and that's the kind of lessons I will be teaching your son so are you still sure you want this marriage thing with me because I'm ready but do know I'm not going to plan a wedding I want us to just got to court and officialise it because in my heart we are already married and then maybe get started on the son making because I can't wait for the rest of our lives together" and she kisses me like her life depends on it and I responded grabbing her ass while at it,okay does this mean we are engaged "babe does this mean we are engaged?" and she sits straight on my groin "just set the appointment idiot we are getting married this week and I want it to be just us and princess but please make sure you get me the most biggest diamond ring so that all this bitchs know what's up" and that last part just gets me busting with laughter she makes me the most happiest man on the planet "okay baby I accept your proposal to marry you I will be you husband" and she gives me a slap on my chest mad "what's with the abuse babe I'm only stating the obvious I didn't propose you did just now" I say still laughing and she joins in the laughter and she is most beautiful when she is like this. Now this is the happily ever after I sighed up for.