Ashley ✓

Three | Ily

SOTC: Look What You Made Me Do by Taylor Swift

Hours later, I nearly tumbled out of my Uber onto the pavement across from my house upon popping the car lock. Luckily, I had pressured my right flip-flop onto the pavement before that happened and got out of the car, slamming the door shut.

The evil Uber driver stuck his middle finger out the window under a lit street light.

"Oh, shove the back of Spencer's up your ass, someone's thrown up in your car before, bitch!" I shouted as he went a 100 miles per hour away from me.

After about a half a minute or thirty, I heard distant sirens.

That's what you get for speeding, you four-faced whoreson.

I giggled as I stumbled across the street and on my driveway, wrapping my arms around the hedges bordering the walkway. "Can you be my bed toni— OUCH!" I slurred to them before one of their roses viciously stabbed my forearm like a BITCH!

After several attempts to yeet it to the Sun with my heel, one kick that would've just thrown my heel into the front waterfall, I strolled into the house.

I didn't comprehend that the front door was just unlocked.

"FAAA-THER, I'M HOME FROM GETTING WAAA-STED!" I shouted, refusing to acknowledge the Armenian stripper he called his girlfriend probably sleeping on top of him.

After my perfect nose barely avoided five different cream walls, I made it to the artificially bright kitchen. Daddy spent a hundred thousands on its futuristic white and black aesthetic along with its outrageous appliances like the refrigerator that had an option for lemon water.

A woman stood behind the marble island, her palms digging into its surface.

"Hello," she whispered.

"Whothafackareyu," I slurred out in a word that didn't sound English. "You're tooootally not Lucine!"

"Who's Lucine?" Her feminine rasp gradually produced itself out her throat.

I flopped my pointer finger erratically in front of me like a witch casting a spell. "Oh, y'know, just the girlfriend of the guy in this house that you're ba-hanging. Don't worry, I give you a spiritual awakening so you can finally du—" My rant cut out as I examined her ugly ass tea-green hospital gown then her facial structure and brown messy bun.

"Wait, do I know you?" I suddenly asked.

Her brown eyes lit up, and a curve stretched across her face. "My darling girl, I gazed upon our identical eyes on brightest Tuesday until they took yo—"

"Actually, I don't care," I cut her off. "Are the Takis in the microwave?"

Gasps sputtered out the woman's parted lips.

"Woooooah, calm your ba-halls. Takis are better than--" My tsk passed away in my throat as my gaze fell to the floor. A pool of crimson had traveled on the side of the island she stood at, seeping into the cracks of the expensive tile. The woman's slitted orbs had followed my gaze on the solution before we faced each other again.

"What is that?" I whispered as a repugnant, metallic aroma hit my nostrils.

A smile suffocating the humanity in her eyes grew on her face. "That my girl, is--"

"YOU DROPPED MY PUNCH STASH?" I exclaimed, smacking my hands on my head. "Lady, that be my only punch stash in the whole wide world and you had to drop it on the damn floor? What's wrong with you?"

The woman choked out an, "Are you serious?"

"YES!" I screamed. "And whadafuck did you lace my beloved punch with? Copper? Idunnowheredahell you from but we don't lace things with an atomic number of 29 in California cause the electrical conductivity in that is high thermal!"

"I—"

I pointed my polished finger in her face. "You know what? I'll give you some real food and switch the hell up your archaic ways of lacing things! How about a Takis sandwich, huh, or you thinking about another source of carbohydrates? Actually, let's do the Takis sandwich! Would you like a Takis sandwich with anything else like In-And-Out sauce? I tried it out and it's actually not really good pour la sante-- which means 'for the health' in French, did you know that?"

"No, you bit—" the woman began.

"Forget I asked. Because I'm not the bitch who shares with her besties for the resties due to that and I punch anyone who takes my food and Joe Biden has hairy legs. We should start calling Takis frogs, they have the same spritual energy cause frogs," I ranted nonsensically, stumbling to the left of the kitchen, pulling down my sequin bodycon dress when I found it up to my ass. I opened the pantry and then sung off-key, "With a nick nack, paddy wack, give a dog a bone, this old ma— HOLY FUCK!"

Shrieks exorcized out my vocal cords, the sight launching my back to slam against a wall.

Two bodies were piled on the woman's feet behind the island, the back of their heads drowning in what wasn't punch. Bloodshot doe eyes seemed to emphasize the carnage created from the unhinge of their jaws to their throats, which had been ripped by a knives into jagged smiley faces above the esophagus. The blood of the one on my father's throat drenched his white button-up, and the crusted fluid of Lucine's smiley face extended to her last outfit, one of a provocative maid's costume.

"I love you, baby," the woman whispered as she brought a gun to my head.

POP!

Sound killed itself as a hole blew threw her, plaguing crimson throughout her hospital gown before she collapsed on the bodies, her limbs dangling off.

Police officers shouted over each other along with the one that had shot her, swarming me in the energy the world disappeared in front of my slitting eyelids.

And then darkness swallowed me whole as I fainted.

Um... that was fast.