Spelled

Chapter 8: Lollipop Guild

**This is part 8 of a 10 part excerpt for YA twisted fairy-tale Spelled, being released June 2nd by Sourcebooks."

"The Rule of Favor: Save a life and it's yours for the taking."

- Thomason's Tips to Ruthless Ruling

I stomped my foot. "That is not a lollipop. Spit it out.Right now!" Where was a rolled-up scroll when you needed one?

Kato looked at me, and I could almost hear his raised eye whiskers say, Make me.

Sinking down, I worked on prying open his muzzle. "You just ate a week's worth of food." Grunt. "You're going...to get...fat." Ugh. For such a little thing, he had jaws of steel. Last- ditch effort. "It could be poisonous."

That got his attention. The hack he gave sounded exactly like Verte's cat when it coughed up a hair ball. Instead of a wad of fur, out came a small, wooden person. It looked like the lovechild of a bug and a stick. I didn't know what it was, but I don't think it was slimy naturally. Most likely it was just covered in Kato slobber.

And it was not happy.

"Big-footed booby, good for glammed giants. Pix yourselves off to the ever after and fimfammed your dwarf- dunged..."

I pride myself on using colorful expressions when the occasion arises, but this tiny thing had a bigger vocabulary of swears than any person I'd ever met. When he got around to describing Tinkerbell's thong, my ears started to burn.

Disregarding the threat of poison, Kato lunged for the little man- and I say "man," because with that language, the bug had to be male. I moved a pinch faster and scooped Kato up before his jaws snapped the rude twig in half.

Earlier, I'd only been joking about Kato getting fat, but hauling him up around his middle, I noticed he was bigger- and heavier- than he'd been at the palace.

"Bad whatever- beast- you- are. Leave the fairy alone!" I exclaimed, struggling to keep a squirming Kato in my arms.

"Fairy? First your mutt thinks I'm a lollipop, and now you think I'm a fairy? Do you see any wings, you pixing, pox- ridden prat?" the man said rudely, with great indignation.

Though I was tempted to set Kato down and let him have his snack, this was the first sign of semi-intelligent life I had come across, and I needed answers.

Time to brush up on princess charm- school training. Lesson #2: Always use your best manners when greeting an unfamiliar creature or person in a distant land. Rude princesses get turned to stone or reptiles much more often than polite ones.

"My sincerest apologies, sir. I meant no disrespect. I'm afraid I'm lost and have never come across one such as yourself. Could you please help me?" I batted my eyelashes in an attempt to appear damsel- in- distress- y.

Even twenty yards away, I could hear Rexi groan.