Don't let go- Tarlos

I'm not okay

TK pov

I wake up again, I'm breathing okay, I'm cold, really cold, I open my eyes and there's someone, a nurse, she is putting something in my arm, I moved my head to look at her as much as the neck brace lets me, she notices me

"Hi there, how are you feeling Tyler?" She says finishing what she was doing

My brain takes a bit to understand the words, it is hard to think. I don't know what happened again. I feel something on my throat that makes me unable to speak and makes my neck sore.
I start panicking. I try to reach it with my free hand but the nurse puts it down

"Hey, Tyler you need to relax, it's ok, you need that okay?" She says slowly

I'm so confused, where is Carlos and my dad, why everything hurts so much.

"Tyler, are you in pain?"the nurse asks me noticing my discomfort

I try to nod but it just makes it worse

"Ok, ok can you talk?" She says putting something in the IV of my arm.

I open my mouth and try to say something but no sound comes.

"Good, that's good, you will be able to talk more with time"

I ask her about Carlos and my Dad, and I don't know how but she understands me

"I'll let them know that you are awake" she says and leaves

I stay alone waiting for the pain to ease, I reach again to my throat, there's a tube, I know what this is, it means it didn't work, I'm not able to breathe on my own.

My head spins, I can't get a hold of anything, like I'm gonna pass out again, why this is happening, I sharp pain hits my head, I close my eyes, because I'm so so dizzy, what it's going on.

I need someone, don't feel good, my hand is searching for a button, but the pain hits me again I scream, not really making sound my throat is super sore and inflamed, so the scream is nothing but a whisper, the monitors is beeping loud, and the nurse comes back, I'm blinking my tears.

"Hey Tyler what's wrong?"she says
I'm not able to think, to open my eyes, just suffer, there is nothing more then pain.

"Tyler, TK talk to me" she says grabbing my hand hard then she calls someone else.

My body is not responding to me, I can't get a hold of anything, I'm not okay, I'm not okay, I need help, I don't even know if m breathing, I just want it to stop.

Owen pov

I'm waiting outside of the ICU, Judd, Mateo, Nancy, Marjan and Paul are here, trying to take me to my house, or even to eat something, it's not like I haven't been eating well, it's just this feeling of disappointment, everything was improving, TK was getting stronger, Carlos was doing better, eating, taking his meds, I was back at work, and in a day everything just crashes down.

Marjan and Paul are with Carlos, he is ok, he just needs to take everything easy, the doctor is letting him go in a few hours with the condition that he has to go home and rest. Good news really, I worry for Carlos a lot and im really relieved when I hear the news.

But they haven't told us much about TK.

I have a bad feeling.

Doctor Smith comes out of the ICU and find us.

"Owen, I don't have great news" he says looking at the papers in his hands

I get up from the chair
"What happened?" I ask worried

"The tracheotomy went well, his vitals and oxygen levels are good, but he's having a panic attack" he explains

"Can i see him?" Everything has me on the edge, I just want to run and hug TK and never let go, because my boy needs me

"Yeah, of course" we walk in the direction of  TK's room " I was actually hopping you could help, we could give him some meds, but I prefer to keep it as my last resource, his liver is taking so much meds right now, and knowing TK's history, he doesn't have the healthiest liver" he explains

"Ok, ok, I understand, I'll try to... umm, I'll try to get him to relax"

"Good, come on follow me"

We arrived to the room, I'm not sure what I can find but when I step in, it's nothing like I imagine, and my heart breaks at the view of my son

He's in the hospital bed, his right arm in a sling, his good leg is moving weakly, there's a tube in his throat, there's a line of blood coming from the tube, there's nurses all over him, grabbing his arm, trying to make him relax.

I instantly run to his side, his eyes not concentrating in anything, he doesn't even notice me, he opens and closes his mouth trying to get some air, but that's not how his body is working right now.

I panic for a second, the responsibility of helping him getting stronger

"Hey TK" I said loud but as calm as I can manage "TK, you're ok, look at me son"

I know he can hear me, his eyes looking for me, his hand trying to find mine, I grab it, I can see how he relaxes for a minute.

The doctor is on the other side of the bed

"Ok Owen, I'm going to bag him, directly, so he doesn't feel the pressure from the tube, i need you to make him feel like he can breathe, like he can control it" he says taking the tube from TK's throat and putting an ambu bag

I just nod, not taking my eyes from TK, I pass my hand through his hair.

"Hey TK, we are gonna take a deep breath, are you ready?" His eyes still not focusing on nothing, but I feel a slightly press in my hand "Ok, 1...2...3..." the doctor presses the bag, his chest rising "Great job son, you are doing so good, let's do another one... 1...2...3" His chest rising again, I can see how he begins to relax, we continue doing this until his vitals are back to normal.

"How are you feeling son?" I ask him while i clean the sweat from his forehead, a nurse cleaning the line of blood from the tube.
TK's eyes are closed, his expresión is relaxed but I can see he's still on edge.

He tries to open his eyes but immediately closes the again

"You dizzy?" He squeezes my hand one time

"It's okay, try to get some rest, I'm not going anywhere"

The nurse leaves the room and we are alone together

He squeezes my hand again but this time, multiple times

"What's wrong?, are you in pain?" He opens his mouth trying to talk, no sound comes but I know what he wanted to say.

* Carlos*

My heart breaks, he can even open his eyes, I can tell him the truth, not after what just happened.

"I sent him home, he'll come later ok?"

He just nods

"Now, get some sleep, I love you" I kiss his head

He mouths *love you"

He falls asleep really fast but I don't leave his side.

I don't know if I should call Carlos and tell him what happened, because I do, he would want to come but he needs to rest. I decide not to, so I text Marjan to see how Carlos is doing.

She told me they are already at home and that he is asleep.

I'm relieved because everything it's going to be okay again, it's okay.

But then it's not, because I don't know how I have come to the situation that my son can breathe on his own, his leg it's shattered, we don't even know if he could do the work he loves again, that the weeding is cancelled, that my son in law is also sick, and all of this just makes me say that it's okay, be cause it isn't.

It's not okay

We're not okay

I'm not okay

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Hi! Guys I'm so sorry for taking so long to update, I was super busy, I just wanted you to know that I'm back and I'll try to update like I was doing before.

I hope you liked it and if you have any suggestions, please let me know
Lots of love 🫶🏻

✌🏻