Skyrim: Shieldmaiden of Jorrvasker.

Part Eight: The Elder Scrolls

   It was cooler out this evening. I sit on the edge of the city's walls. I wanted to be alone. Kodlak was gone, like Skjor, my mother, my child, and like them, he was gone for good. Tears mist my eyes as I suck in a shaky breath. I didn't want to talk to anyone. Kodlak was there for me when I needed someone most. Even as far back as my youth. More than anything, I wished he was back. I didn't know what was worse, that he was betrayed by someone who was once our own, or that none of us could even defend him.  
  The Silverhand was strong, but a  former member of The Circle and now one with the Dark Brotherhood? No muster of our honor could even fathom it. And due to our honor, our Harbinger was now dead....consumed by the flames and turned to ashes. 
   My stomach knots up, I prayed to the Aedra and Daedra for his life to be spared, but he was taken instead. Kissed by Hircine's 'Gift' and still taken. I am Dragonborn and even that couldn't save him. 
Why did I believe I could? Despite a few shouts and understanding Dragons, I can't stop death from happening. Haven't I learned by now? I cover my face with my hands. I no longer look like my usual self. My hair is down and the waves shadow my face, my war paint is now gone. I feel like a shadow of my former self, and for once, I rather be this way. If I had never left Jorrvasker, than Kodlak would still be alive. I would of never met Vulono and the Silver Hand and all this evil would of stayed away from us. 
  "The others want you." 
I jump, wiping the tears away as I turn towards Njada Stonearm, who stands behind me. Her white hair hangs around face. She too looks like a different person all together. Her broken wrist is wrapped up by her side. I look at her to see if I can see any anger. But I don't. 
  I slowly stand to my feet and am now eye to eye with her. "I'm not ready to speak to them." I say, softly. 
Njada nods, "I can tell them that." 
"Its probably best you don't." I say, sighing. "I don't want to put you in Aela's way." 
She smirks. "She doesn't scare me. She never did." 
  I look at her for a long time. Like me, she looks like a different person without her typical armament and warrior stance. She looks young and insecure.
"I have to ask, why do you hate me so much?" I say, quietly. I don't move towards the city. I was honest when I told her that I didn't want to go speak to the others. I know that they would be plotting what to do next, or how Vilkas should take a ritual to be the next Harbinger. I honestly didn't even want to speak to any of them.
   Njada smirks, "I never said I hated you." 
I raise my eyebrows, "Maybe because your actions speak louder than words and you have always been so angry towards me." 
Njada shakes her head. "I don't hate you....I envy you." 
"Envy me? Why on earth would you do that?" 
"You always had the privileges of the Circle. They saw you as their golden child. You ended up with a sweet husband, and you have a special calling. Who wouldn't be jealous of you?" Njada says,softly. She doesn't meet my eyes, its like she is ashamed.
 I breathe loudly through my nose. "I wouldn't want to be me. Because of who I am, so much evil has fallen on the lives of those around me."  "You are Dragonborn. Would you expect it any less?" Njada replies. 
I meet her gaze and slowly shake my head, "I-I guess not." 
"Look, you aren't the only one who is hurting. It's my fault that Kodlak is dead." Njada says. "I should of just killed Arnbjorn when he came out dragging the Harbinger. But I couldn't, I was too weak." I see her tears spill over her eyes and she says. "I just wanted him to see me for what I was, I wasn't anything special, but I had a true, warrior's heart. Or I thought-"
I wrap my arms around her and hug her. I never thought I would ever touch her like this, but she wraps her arms around me tightly as she sobs. I guess we were more alike that I thought. I hear footsteps walk up the wall and I see as one of the Jarl's Men approaches. "Dragonborn, you are wanted in Dragonsreach, the Jarl requires an audience with you." 
Njada releases her hold on me and wipes her eyes as I nod at her. "We are coming." 
..................................................................................................................................................

Following the guard, Njada and I slowly enter into great hall. I see as Vilkas, Farkas, Aela, Sinding stand on the left side of the throne. Balgruuf has a hand over his eyes as I see Irileth and Proventus speak to him. On the side of the throne, I see Ria standing with Torvar, Athis, Malborn, Rarnis and Lydia.  I see Eorlund and Vignar stand before the Jarl, speaking loudly. 
"What the Silverhand did, was declare war on Whiterun when they attacked Jorrvasker, and they are in league with the Dark Brotherhood. We need to send forces to wipe them out." Vignar says. "Killing the Harbinger in a peaceful situation is worthy on execution. That was war." 
   "I said, we need to wait for the Dragonborn." Jarl Balgruuf snaps. He lifts his eyes when he looks at me. "And I see she is here, at last." 
 Njada keeps her distance, standing by one of the long tables. I turn to see Sinding meeting my gaze. I swallow, then turn my attention back to Balgruuf.
"I apologize for my tardiness, other than I had no gall to be seen by you yet, my lord." 
Balgruuf smirks. 
"You wanted my council on the matter? And for what?" I ask, "From my experience, I am not wise enough to give wisdom to a Jarl." 
  Balgruuf chuckles, "I would once agree with you. But that was before your experiences with the Silverhand. Kodlak told me that you had many experiences with them." 
"Too much." I say. 
Balgruuf steps from his throne and approaches me. "You had experiences with them since you left on your test. Isn't that so?" 
I look over at Sinding. My husband gives me a brief nod. "I have. I was attacked in Falkreath by a certain Vulono, one of the generals of the Aldemari Dominion. He became one of the leaders of the Silver Hand. That wasn't the first time I met him. And it wasn't the last." 
"He attacked you in Falkreath? So at the beginning of your quest as a Companion?" Balgruuf asks, "And why?" 
"Because she was speaking to me, my jarl." Sinding says coming forward. I bow my head as he approaches Balgruuf. "She was sent to find me, and she did. The Silverhand was also sent to find me. Vulono didn't like knowing he had competition and tried to....persuade her to give up." 
  "I didn't. And it became much more personal, and that is too much I care to share." I say, "But yes, he was in league with the Silverhand. When Skjor was killed by the Silverhand, one of his lieutenants was there to oversee it-" 
"She's dead." Aela says from where she stands. "I made sure of that." 
"And Vulono is also now dead, I made sure of that, myself." Sinding nods. Balgruuf looks at Aela and then Sinding, "I should be in shock knowing that you killed people near Whiterun, but I don't. I feel impressed. Do not share that to any of the other districts in Skyrim, you hear?" He smiles at me, "So I take it that angered them to take their revenge on Kodlak?" 
I shake my head, "The Silverhand are no more then Bandits, what I think is that the Thalmor are behind this. And I think its much more than just a rivalry. The Silverhand now holds unto Wuthraad. And the Thalmor now are playing a key part in the Civil War." 
"Do you believe that the Thalmor are behind the dragons returning-"
"No, I do not." I say, quickly. Balgruuf looks at me in surprise. "How did you-"
"I know, because I was able to see. And they know little of the dragons much like us. This is strictly a war strategy. And they don't like that. That they are in the dark about the returning of Alduin." I say. I feel stronger than before. I didn't realize how much crucial information I had known that I have kept to myself. 
 "Aren't we in the dark as well? We know nothing of these dragons." Irileth, the jarl's housecarl says. I shake my head. "Not as much as we believe." 
I never mentioned to Sinding about what I was about to say, I kept conversation I had with Kodlak silent. I pray he can forgive me for what I was about to discuss. "I believe that they wanted more from Kodlak than just Wuthraad and he refused to give it. Therefore, they killed him.  He knew that in order to take the upper hand in this war, we would need an Elder Scroll." 
Vilkas looks at me in shock, I take it Kodlak didn't tell him about it. Sinding stares in confusion, "An Elder Scroll? All the Elder Scrolls have been destroyed-"
I shake my head. "No, there are still three in the region of Skyrim. Kodlak was searching for those as well as a cure to.....to a sickness he had." I didn't know if Balgruuf knew that his friend was a werewolf, but I didn't want to let that secret out if it was never spoken off.   
Balgruuf looks at me in disbelief, "Did he say where they were? If we could get our hands on an Elder Scroll, that would provide us leverage in the war. The Empire or the Stormcloaks wouldn't dare touch us." 
"He knew where two of the three were located. One is located in the Tower of Mzark, and the other.....the other is in Dimhollow Crypt."  I say. I remember Kodlak saying that a dark curse was attached to the one in Dimhollow. A dark spell. 
"Then we need to find them and bring them back. That way we will be untouchable." Irileth says, staring at me. 
I nod, "I plan to search for the one in Mzark, but its within the deep depths of Blackreach. But I have to convene with the Greybeards in order to know what to look for." 
"Whiterun will help you no matter what, Dragonborn." Balgruuf says. "I promised Kodlak that I would make sure the Companions would be safe in anything happened, and I know that you meant alot to him." 
I look back at Njada, and then at Sinding, then the others and say. "We all meant alot to him."  
I turn to leave the hall, I am tired and don't feel like discussing what to do next with the Jarl. I honestly don't know what to do other than meet with the Greybeards and get their perspective on finding an Elder Scroll. I also know I will have to eventually meet with Delphine, but I have some very unkind things to say to her about the risk she put Malborn and I in. 
  Two of the guards open the doors and I step out into the night air. I look at the sky and realize the sky is bare of any stars. I shake my head and keep on walking. I hear the door to the hall open behind me, and I already know who it is before he comes up. 
   "I don't want to talk about it." I say before he can ask me. But instead, Sinding puts his hands on my arms and gently turns me around. He meets my eyes. "What, the fact that you had a very close relationship with Kodlak or about not mentioning the Elder Scrolls?" 
I close my eyes. "I did what I thought was best." 
 "You did, and you can't beat yourself up." Sinding says. "My love, you can share this burden with me. You don't have to carry it alone." 
I swallow. "I know, but look what happened to Kodlak. He was helping me and they killed him. I can't let them kill you, or the others." 
"I'm not dead yet." Sinding says, tilting my head up. "I don't plan on being until we are both white haired."  
I smile, at the thought. I love the idea of growing old with him, but I have never felt so insecure in my life. Kodlak is gone, but now, I feel as though the others are now seeing that this is a bigger picture. The Elder Scrolls. This is what all this death and war is about. About who can win and be on top of the world and who can lose and bow down to the other. I need to find one of the Elder Scrolls, not because of this war, but to see what I can do with whatever power it can unleash with my gift. I will find out about Miraak, and I will stop Alduin. Kodlak's death will not be in vain. 
"Good, because I need your help." I say.