lonely sounds | l. heeseung

35. reflection

The day had gone by in the rehearsal studio. Heeseung and Eun byul were now practicing for round 2 of the competition. Heeseung had noticed Eun byul was acting quite strange all day. She seemed skittish and avoidant of him. He knew something was up and that she would most likely not confront him.

"I think that concludes practice for today," she exclaimed.

Heeseung tilted his head, raising his eyebrow, "You're telling me you, Cha Eun byul, is done with practice today? We only practiced for 3 hours. You normally practice 5 on average."

"Well, I'm feeling a little exhausted today. It's been a long few days you know. And I haven't been sleeping well. I'm sure you know that by now."

He gave her a small chuckle.

"What?"

"Come on, just tell me what's going on. You're clearly an awful liar. You know someone is lying if their eyes shift left after they make a statement," Heeseung exclaimed, nonchalantly, as he put himself in a relaxed position on the piano bench.

Eun byul's face turned a bit pink. She had no idea how he was going to react to her going to his aunt's house earlier in the day. Generally, she could never read him or tell what he was thinking. Heeseung had always done the unexpected.

Eun byul sighed deeply, "Before you get mad at me, just let me explain, please?"

He was silent and nodded his head.

"I went to your aunt's house this morning."

To Eun byul's surprise, Heeseung was calm and collected as she explained why she went to Mrs. Kim's house. She told him about Mrs. Kim's mental illness, the court case and the divorce, and the relationship between Yeseo and her mother, but all Eun byul could feel is fear as she talked. She could barely look at his eyes throughout the whole explanation but when she did she could see the pain in his eyes. His silence was alarming to Eun byul.

"I... I need some time to think," he finally spoke.

For the first time, Heeseung's tone seemed uncertain. He got up from the piano bench and left the room silently. Eun byul's hands trembled. She knew he was uncomfortable but now, she had no idea what to do.

"I'll see you at home."

**

Eun byul had waited countless hours in the rehearsal studio. The bright sun had soon become the moon beaming in the sky. Eun byul paced back and forth, checking her watch to make sure she was leaving at a reasonable time. She could barely practice because all she could think about was Heeseung.

"Come Eun byul, get yourself together," she said out loud, slapping the sides of her cheeks, "Let's just go home and face him already."

But then her mind wandered as she became more paranoid by the second of what Heeseung would say. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him, but she knew that telling him was the right decision. Digging deep into the past was something both Eun byul and Heeseung had to face no matter how painful it was because it would help them move on. Yeseo had been an anchor holding Eun byul back for so long now and Heeseung too. Greed and fear were what was keeping them from moving forward.

Her mind soon drifted off and started thinking about the conversation she had with Hyun Ae this morning. The reality was harsh and surreal. But she could only feel a weight holding her heart down, wondering why her parents never clarified anything about her innocence. Did they even know? And why wouldn't Yeseo's parents contact Eun byul sooner? It was like Eun byul's nightmare would never end.

Eun byul finally brought herself to call her mom. She sat on the piano bench Heeseung left and dialed her mother, wondering if she truly knew the details about Yeseo. Eun byul waited patiently for her mother to pick up as the phone rang endlessly.

"Eun byul! You finally called," her mom's voice was bright and perky, "How have you been? I see you've already made it to round 2."

"Mom."

"Yes, dear?"

"I'm innocent. Did you know that? I'm innocent and it's not my fault."

Her mom was silent for some time.

"What do you mean?"

"The guilt I was living in for 2 years... it was never my fault that Yeseo died. It was her mother's. They never pressed charges on me. And they never told us. Why?" Eun byul's voice broke as she felt tears burning her eyes, "Why did this have to happen?"

Mirae sighed deeply, "Eun byul, after Yeseo passed we lost contact with her parents. They never wanted to speak to us again. We tried to speak to them, but it ended up in an endless fight. The best resolution was to cut ties permanently. But I'm relieved, I'm truly relieved for you. I'm so sorry you went through this, my baby. But promise me you'll play music for your own enjoyment and not for your own pride. We know what competition has done to you. Your dad and I just want you to be happy."

**

It was 10 pm and Eun byul finally made it back to the apartment. She entered the key code and pushed the door open. The apartment was dark, making her nervous that Heeseung never returned home, but she saw his shoes at the entrance. She sighed with relief as she made her way in silently. Eun byul glanced around the apartment, looking for Heeseung, and saw him sitting at the kitchen island with a single light lit.

"Took you long enough to get home," he exclaimed, looking straight in her direction.

Eun byul was frozen in her stance as she just stared at Heeseung and didn't move.

"I've been reflecting on what happened in the past and what happened today. For the first time, I think I was uncertain because I'm someone who has confidence in everything. I don't think I'll be able to forgive my aunt ever. From hurting my mom, torturing her daughter, and blaming you for Yeseo's death, it's just something I can't let go of so easily."

Eun byul nodded as Heeseung continued.

"I'll be honest, I've been greedy. I know what I've done to you is mostly against your own will, and I'm sorry for that. I shouldn't be making decisions for you. Only now, I actually started thinking of your trauma and my trauma. We've been playing in this competition for the wrong reasons. We should... we should just withdraw. I can't continue to burden you any longer."

Heeseung was dejected and totally gutted. His head was put down in shame and had a realization that he had only caused suffering and stress to the people around him, especially the one he loved most, Eun byul. But for the first time, Eun byul felt pure disappointment in him.

"After all we've been through, you're really going to end it here?" she questioned him, clenching her fists tightly, "You said it yourself, you made me play the violin against my own will, but now, I want you to play the piano against your own will. Sure, we've both been greedy with our own reasons to win, but we should finish what we started right? We're going to play in this competition because we love to play music, right? Heeseung, I don't care if we win or not. That doesn't matter to me anymore. I want to play music because I love it and... I love you. "

Heeseung looked up at her, his eyes were shiny from tears forming. Eun byul walked over to him and gave him a comforting smile.

"So we can't give up yet. We still have to play in round 2."

He smiled softly as tears escaped his eyes. He wiped them with his sleeve and held Eun byul's hand.

"And we're playing because we love music." 

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a/n: my brain is struggling to write :") 

Also, it's finally spring break for me so I'm going away for my family. Not sure when I will upload next, but it shouldn't be too long.