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❝ BUT YOU LIKE HER BETTER! ❞
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ♡︎♡︎♡︎ SOULMATES WERE SOMETHING I've always believed in, even when I was a child. I've read books, stories, and heard things about them from the adults in my life, and I'd always turn to them curiously, listening intently to what they have to say.
Red strings of fate.
That was one of the most common soulmate types I've heard, but I knew that wasn't for me. An old auntie has told me that to know whether you're fated with someone or not, you have to look at your pinky finger and check if there's lines around it resembling a very thin ring or a string tied around it. Of course, I've checked multiple times before, but there was nothing there.
Magnetic attraction.
This would only work if I didn't have attachment issues, but I do so it would be hard for me to discern whether or not someone is my soulmate. But the same old auntie did tell me that this could also work if you are physically being pulled towards that person, not like an actual magnet, but somehow, you always end up in the same place as them, near them, going in the same direction as them, etc.
Connected dreams.
Not once have I ever dreamt whenever I fall asleep, my mind is just a void, a blank canvas and I have no paint to decorate it with. An uncle have said that this either means my soulmate wasn't born yet or they're. . . dead. But I think it's just because I cannot dream, I'm still hopeful they're alive.
All these types of soulmates and I still wasn't sure which one was for me. Until I heard about another type from one of the adults in my neighbourhood.
Hot and Cold.
While balancing myself on top of potted plants and sacks of dirt, I tried to listen in on the conversation being held just a few feet away from me, desperately trying to get as much information as I can. I was already on my tiptoes and I knew it was dangerous, but I really wanted to know what she meant by those words.
"I met my soulmate yesterday," she said cheerfully, holding up her phone to let her friends see a picture of her with another woman. They were holding each other lovingly and smiling brightly at the camera. I felt envious but said nothing, only listening as one replied to her. "How did you know that she was your soulmate?"
"Well," she paused, sighing dreamily, "I just instantly felt this sudden overwhelming warmth when we bumped into each other in a library, which was unusual since I've always felt cold even in the summer."
The colder you are, the farther you are from your soulmate. The warmer you feel, the closer you are to your soulmate.
Ever since that day, I keep track of my own temperature, checking every time I meet someone new if I felt warm around them, but every time I do so, I always end up feeling cold and void.
Well, not until I met him.
He made me feel so warm and fuzzy that I instantly knew that he was my soulmate, but not until someone else came later in my life, who made me feel the same way he did.
He was my first and greatest love.
I was stupid for letting him go and chasing someone else. What a stupid mistake I've made. So, so, so fucking stupid.
And I will always love him.
And maybe letting him go was a way for me to learn that I have to treasure the most special things to me. Maybe that's why I suffer for the rest of my years with him no longer beside me. Maybe believing in soulmates have always been such a stupid thing.
Maybe that's why I let my greatest love of all die in my arms.
I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, this chap made more sense in my head.
