Under Your Skin || Jungkook

26

Warning: Mentions of trauma

My eyelids feel heavy when I try to open them as I wake up. Not only they feel heavy, but also hurt, feeling forced to close them again. Although my eyes are closed, I'm aware of his arms wrapped around me and the soothing sound of his heart beat, the same one that helped me to sleep last night. He hasn't moved an inch.

I think he's still sleeping, but he proves me wrong when he starts speaking.

—How are you feeling? —he asks with his raspy voice— And don't say you're okay, because you're not.

—I don't know —I murmur, hiding my face on his chest.

—We need to talk about that, I need you to talk about that —by his tone, he's dead serious about it—. It's not the first time this has happened.

I move away from him, sitting on the bed before I get up and start collecting all my clothes from the floor to put them on. Having this conversation after what happened yesterday is already bad enough, I don't want to be having it while I'm totally naked. And I'm kind of hoping he'd just let it all go as soon as I head to the living room to pick the last pieces of fabric.

But Jungkook won't let this go.

—Y/N, just talk to me —he follows me.

—What do you want me to say? —I turn to him.

When I see him, he's only wearing a pair of boxers while his arms are crossed over his chest. He's giving me that concerned look he always does when he's worried. I've made him look at me that way more times than I should have.

—Anything. At this point I'm fine with hearing anything from you —he takes one step in my direction—. Hate it or not, I'm in this as well. Whatever affects you, affects me. So stop holding back whatever is hurting you.

What am I supposed to say? That I don't know what's going on? That I'm afraid I might be going crazy for no reason? That I might be remembering things that maybe didn't happen? Or, even worse, that did happen but I don't remember. I could say how bad I feel since I also ruined everything he prepared yesterday. Or how I'm mad at myself because last night won't repeat and we can't go back in time. I'm the one who's hurting me.

I also have no idea when I started crying, I'm only aware of the teardrops rolling down my cheeks when a few of them fall flat on the reverse of my hands. Jungkook wraps his arms around me, and they must be the closest to home I've ever been, because I break as soon as the warmth of his body embraces me.

—I don't know what's wrong with me —my voice breaks in the middle of the sentence.

—Then speak to me —he plays with my hair—. Stop saving things to yourself.

—I don't know —I shake my head—. I don't know what's going on.

I hear Jungkook sigh, as he tries to comfort me again, just like he did last night. He doesn't rush me to speak, he just stands there and waits. He's waiting until I'm calm enough to process whatever is going through my mind and speak.

The mere thought of the man in my nightmares being so vivid, even when I'm not thinking about him, makes this whole thing even worse. I could deal with dreaming of him and moving on, but the feeling of there not being an escape from him is destroying me. Not knowing what all of this means is making me go insane. And the dark thought that gives a meaning to everything that has been going on only makes me more scared of digging.

Jungkook moves both of us to the couch, making me sit on his lap while his arms are still wrapped tight around me. We're in silence for a few long minutes. He just pats my shoulder, while his other hand moves up and down my thigh.