four.

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October 25, 2022

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October 25, 2022

The smell of chalk fills the air. I spray water onto my inch-and-a-half thick grips. Spreading the water around, I evenly coat the surface. I turn to the chalk bowl behind me, digging my hands into the powdery substance. Sweeping my hands across the bottom of the bowl, I cup the chalk, grinding the powder against my grips. I, then, grab the block of chalk, rubbing it against my grip and creating a thick layer.

This routine is what helps me grip the bar during my skills.

I turn back around, stepping up onto the middle of the mat in front of the bar. The soft material squishes underneath my feet, making a small squeak noise. A deep breath inflates my lungs, calming every inch of my body, and I step forward onto the springboard between the bars.

I close my eyes, picturing the skill sequence I'm fixing to execute. Today, our assignment is three of each part of the routine and three dismounts. I have one high bar release before I'm finished with my assignment.

Opening my eyes, I raise my arms, setting myself before I mount the bar. One more deep breath runs through me, before I swing my arms.

The springboard launches me towards the high bar. I grab on, swinging through to a handstand. My body swings around the bar, called a giant, making my body go into another handstand. As I do this, I release one hand from the bar, dragging it across myself to change directions on the bar. Leading with my feet, I fall backwards into a swing. I slightly break at the hips and kick my feet back to release the bar, doing a front flip in a straddle position. I regrip the bar, completing my release move. The momentum causes me to swing through, marking the end of this section of the routine. I drop down to the ground, walking underneath the low bar.

Everyone always talks about how they say cues in their head as they do their skills and routines, but my head is always silent. It's calm. This is the only way I can stay focused while doing such dangerous skills.

The team is divided into four groups today, so every event is occupied with someone. That leaves Lorelei on beam, meaning that I'll have to wait for her to finish her assignment.

Today we're planning to go and look for Halloween costumes, since apparently I don't have any costumes fit for this kind of party.

Who wouldn't want to dress up as Dwight from The Office for Halloween?

Lor says I need something "easier to get," which I know is her saying something that is boring.

Let me own my beet farm in peace.

I unbuckle my grips and walk towards the locker room. As I enter, I softly say 'hi' to Layla, Kira, and Chase that are already done with practice. No matter how hard I try, and no matter how open the environment is here, I can't bring myself to get out of my shell. Lorelei is an exception, of course, but the idea of every girl on the team knowing who I am and how I act regularly terrifies me. All of the girls on this team are so sweet and caring, but considering my experience back at home, I'll stick to being lonely.

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