UNCENSORED (For Publication)

UNCENSORED (Introduction)

I am Godphrey Benedict D. Ramolete, 21 years old this 2023. This is my second book, all are written frankly. This was supposed to be dedicated to only one person that caused me great trauma till I was diagnosed with a mental disorder.

Indeed, I am diagnosed with major depression disorder last October 2022. It was never about my family, I lovr them. Conflicts and misunderstanding within our homes was normalized, understanding different perceptions and ideas resolved every issue. One honest reason is the brutal prevarication of truth of someone who thought I was superior than him. With enough witnesses, we can say it was true. After all, I was always the cynosure, not him.

Never was my intention to somehow lure his opportunities and lovers, yet his insecurities and loathing caused them onto me. He spread rumors how I begged for unclothed murals, when in fact all were already resolved, and there was never an issue, because all were in a form of pleasantries or witticism.

He horded every single one of my friends, recruited and created group discussions. He disclosed every single secret I shared with him on those years of friendship. Those subjective and prevaricative stories were foretold I was a whore, thief, abusive and manipulative.

I mean no harm, but there are nights I wish him an eternal slumber. However, I just wish he does not caused onto others what he did to me. I may be succumbed by my own loath, but there is still light brimming within me.

I was pushed from a cliff, too high that I got sick. I clung to my boyfriend's hips, we broke up, in me I lost a piece. My cats were there to comfort my cries, there were exchanges of words and meows, I just assumed they understand.

My arms were trembling, my feet were cold. Eyes were teary, and mind was worried. I should had been wary about people whom we have bonded for so long—that how long is just a matter of mind, and the posibility of treachery does not decreases its chance overtime.

I can withstand the cold, but there were nights I was freezing to death. I can also withstand pain, but it crimpled me too much that my heart constantly wrenched—I couldn't breathe, not even saw light as my tears were covering my eyes. Nights for me was like a thief, it stole my career, relationship and smile. I was all alone on those sleepless nights. Euphoria was the only thing I sought, but never to be found.

In desperation, I tried to admit I was the problem—that those breakups, torn friendships, wrecked reputation and his betrayal were all my fault—with the thought of being accountable could I embrace the ongoing effects onto me. Nevertheless, I despise false accountabilities. It was never me.

I sought happiness, it was cumbersome but somehow I found fragments to collect and compile. Those cheap and simple joys gave me a chance to live within the tragedy. There is still happiness within me.

Long story short, I survived.