The Drunken Silhouette

There you were in my room, swaying to the beat of my music blaring from the speakers, while the light showed only a silhouette. You looked so absorbed, but I knew you were heavily intoxicated. Never will you take the time to sing to my kind of music.
Let us rewind a little bit? You joined us at the end of 2018 and I was so happy to finally be reunited with you. I did not know your true colours then, but I enjoyed it anyway. Being with you meant I could fulfil all the things I always wanted to do with you. As a friend. As family. As your daughter.
My first encounter that I can remember was when I came to you to do homework and you took my book and argued with me, throwing it on the floor and throwing profanities in my face. I did not understand what I was doing then, so I did what any kid would do. I cried. A lot and for a long time, and I walked away so something like that would not happen again.
After that I never asked you for help, I just stopped doing homework and relied on my friends to give me the answers the next morning in school. I knew I could have done it myself, but at that point in my life I was starting to give up, so I thought maybe you could help, but you didn't.
When I think about all the things you said to me, they all seem like a blur, some I can't even remember, but that could just be because they affected my life one way or another. Let us travel to the first week of January 2020, a day that started normally and ended in horrible chaos.
You said something to me, and being the kind of person I am, I responded with a biting comment that made your drunken blood boil. We got into an argument that was not necessarily physical, but became almost completely physical. You roughly squeezed my hand and pushed me against my bed. I screamed out and my uncle came storming through the door and the two of you argued loudly. From then on everything was blown away. The police were called, they handcuffed you and put you in the boot. My mother picked me up in her car, and as I was leaving, you said something I'll never forget. "You are not my daughter anymore, I do not have a daughter." All I could do was cry, it was physically impossible for me to do anything but cry. I cried silent tears and went to my mother's house. I cried a lot that day, but eventually I ran away from my mother with only my books and my school uniform to wear the next day. At some point my mother got fed up and gave me back my things because she was angry about what I had done. She did not talk to me for a month, but I did not expect her to after what I had done
 
I remember that day as clearly as a crystal ball. You were on your 3rd bottle of alcohol, telling me something every time I came down the stairs, but then I snapped, after holding back all my comments, I finally let them out. multiple swear words and hand gestures in your direction. I told you how you made me feel, I told you that you made me feel like killing myself, that you made me feel dead, then I sat down on the couch and cried. You walked away frustrated and angry at what I said to you. You came in front of the couch and tried to take the remote away from me, but I pulled my hand away. you yelled in my face, the smell of alcohol was on your breath, something that makes me so sick. then I yelled back at you with the same amount of profanity, you ignored the fact that I was crying, you ignored the fact that I was hurting, but you did not like the words I used. You picked up the phone and called my mother and complained to her about the language I used. I got up and went to the window that led to the roof and sat on the ledge because I was afraid to sit on the roof because I was too heavy and would break it, and I sat there and paused and suddenly regretted what I had done, and then I saw it: my mother's car drove up. As with everything else that happened, the rest of the day flew by, but the only thing I recognised was the song playing on repeat in the background.
I would like to forget everything that has happened to me, but it is really hard to forget. A saying I will remember is, "A mind wants to forget, but a heart will always remember." I can not remember who told me that or where I got it, but it's a quote I will always remember. I would like to say that I lost it and did not expect to find it again, but that would be a lie, because at this moment I still find myself.