Forbidden Love |✩ Johnny Cade✩|

|Chapter 4| Confession

Johnny and I went out separate ways after that he went to find PonyBoy and I continued my walk.

As the day wore on, I couldn't concentrate on anything. My mind was consumed with thoughts of what the gang would say, and how they would react. Would they still want to be my friends? Would they think I was weak and pathetic?

By the time the gang arrived that evening, I was a nervous wreck. Hands  trembling, as Darry, Soda, Two-Bit, Steve, Ponyboy, and Dally filed into the living room.

"Hey, Y/N. How are you feeling?" Darry asked, sitting down next to me.

I swallowed hard, trying to keep my emotions in check. "Not great," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

The gang exchanged worried glances, and I saw Johnny nod at Darry, as if signaling him to go ahead.

"Johnny talked to me earlier today," he began, his voice serious. "And he told me something . That you've been struggling with depression and self-harm."

There was a moment of stunned silence as the gang processed Darrys  words. I couldn't take it all my eyes began to water and I ran off.

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I bolted out of the house, my heart racing with fear and shame. I couldn't face the gang after they found out my secret. I felt like a burden, like I was bringing everyone down with my problems.

I ran down the street, tears streaming down my face, until I collapsed on a nearby park bench. I felt so alone and lost, like there was no way out of this darkness.

I pulled out my blade about to cut but  then I heard footsteps approaching, and I looked up to see Johnny jogging towards me.

"Y/N, stop!" he called out, his voice full of concern.

I wiped away my tears, feeling embarrassed and ashamed. "I'm sorry, Johnny. I didn't mean to run off like that," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

Johnny sat down next to me, his eyes full of compassion. "It's okay, Y/N. I understand why you're upset," he said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I shook my head, feeling overwhelmed. "I just can't believe I let them find out. I feel so exposed and vulnerable," I said, my voice shaking with emotion.

Johnny put an arm around me, pulling me close. "Y/N, you're not weak for struggling with depression. And you're not alone. The gang loves you and wants to help you," he said, his voice full of conviction.

"I know but I just can't seem to face them after just bolting out!" I said, while still crying.

Johnny gave me a reassuring smile. "It's okay, Y/N. We'll go back together and you don't have to say anything until you're ready. Just know that we're all here for you and we care about you," he said, his voice full of kindness.

I took a deep breath, feeling grateful for Johnny's support. Together, we walked back to my house, my hand tightly wrapped around his.

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As we entered the living room, the gang looked up at us with concern. I saw Steve eyes red and I'm pretty sure I saw a tear in Dallys.  Darry stood up, looking worried.

"Y/N, are you okay?" he asked, his voice full of concern.

I shook my head, feeling tears well up in my eyes. "I'm sorry for running off like that. I just...I couldn't face you guys after you found out about my struggles," I said, my voice shaking with emotion.

There was a moment of silence as the gang processed my words. Then, Two-Bit spoke up.

"Y/N, we're not going to judge you or think any less of you. We're here to support you and help you through whatever you're going through," he said, his voice full of kindness.

The rest of the gang nodded in agreement, and I felt a sense of relief wash over me. They weren't angry or disappointed; they were offering their love and support.

"Thank you, guys," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. As I headed to me and Sodas room  not bothering to look back as I went up the stairs.

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I laid on my bed and before I knew it I was woken up to a blanket over me and Soda next to me.

I had that urge again, the urge to cut. I knew Darry had probably hidden all the blades he could find.

The only one I had was downstairs hidden under a couch cushion.

I carefully got out of bed trying not to make to much noise. I made my way slowly down the creaky stairs trying not too wake anyone. I wasn't sure if the gang was still here or not.

I saw a 2 bodies one laying on the floor and one on the armchair. I couldn't make out who it was so I quietly lifted the cushion and got the blade.

I assumed I didn't wake anyone so I went into the kitchen and began to cut deep, long, red lines on my wrist.

That was before I heard a voice "Y/N, what are you doing?" the voice said, full of concern.

I jumped, dropping the blade onto the kitchen counter. I turned around to see Soda standing in the doorway, his eyes wide with shock.

"I-I was just...I couldn't help it," I said, feeling ashamed.

Soda walked over to me, his eyes scanning my wrist. "Y/N, you need to stop doing this. It's not healthy, and it's not going to make you feel better," he said firmly.

I looked down at my wrist, feeling a mix of shame and relief. The pain of the cut was a temporary distraction from my emotional pain, but I knew deep down that it wasn't the answer.

"I know, Soda. I just...I don't know how to deal with everything that's going on in my head," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

Soda put a hand on my shoulder, his eyes full of compassion. "Y/N, you don't have to deal with it alone. We're all here for you, and we want to help you get through this. But you have to let us help you," he said, his voice full of conviction.

"Okay, Soda."I'll try to be more open and let you guys help me," I said, my voice full of determination. But deep inside I knew it was a lie.

Soda  smiled, pulling me into a hug. "That's all we could ask for, Y/N. We love you and we want to see you happy and healthy," he said, his voice full of love.

And in that moment, I felt deep guilt as we walked up to our room.