How to save a life

2

You lay on your back and tried to fall asleep. No success. You picked your phone up and began looking at the reels. Someone is playing with their cat, singing a love song, cosplaying their favourite character, and discussing mental health. The same shitty stuff, over and over. What seemed strange was a tall man making his way towards you. You closed your eyes, hoping that you would fall asleep. One hand supports your head, and the other hand on your stomach. Dazai walked up to your motionless body and slowly climbed on top of you. Curling up into a ball, he rested his head on your chest and wrapped his hands around your waist. The weight on your body initially took the breath out of your lungs, but knowing it was Dazai, you smiled and started playing with his brown locks. What a grown man-child.

It had been a few years since you both saw each other. The mafia was not a place for you, at least back then. Dazai was your reason to stay. But the longer you realized that, you further pushed him away, hoping to make your leaving easy. You left, eventually. You left behind everything. Little did you know that walking into the world was the same as walking in the hallway of the port mafia. The mafia painted itself in the colours of the world had secretly painted itself in. The colours the mafia saw itself through were painful for you back then. Now, the colours provide you with a comfort you could never fathom. The taste of blood calmed you down, and the cuts and bruises on your arm mirrored your efforts to stay alive. The same hands were hugging Dazai's back and soothing his rigged breathing. Silence evaded the room as you slowly realized what was happening. Both of you, sitting, cuddling in comfortable silence, begging each other for comfort denied for many years. Dazai's body radiated a warmth that even a fireplace could not match. His weight on you made you feel like all the weight on your body had been lifted off. Slowly, Dazai shifted and got up. Standing beside you, he began analysing his house. It had been a while since his floors and furniture had been so clean. He admired it for sure, and the house felt unnatural. It felt unnatural with or without the glass broken and scattered.

"You up, Y/N?" he asked.

"Mhm," you mumbled.

If there were someone who wrote conversations between two people, he would have run out of options to string up a conversation between the both of you. 6 years lost. How do you even ask where the person has been for so long? How did they do without you? Had life treated them fine? Okay, at least? But all those questions remained unsaid. Dazai, of course, knew how to start a conversation. He started by walking away to the kitchen counter. He assumed that your taste in drinks hadn't changed. While you sat up on the sofa wondering what he was doing, he started the coffee machine, pulled out some ice and milk, poured them into a huge mug and added lots of sugar. Seems like he remembered what you said back when you were in the mafia.

"Life is bitter as fuck. At least let my coffee be so sweet that I can't handle it."

He motioned you to the kitchen counter with the cold coffee in his hand. As you made your way there, he opened a pack of energy drinks and started sipping it. His taste hadn't changed either. Fuck up something and come home, drink until he passes out, fall asleep in the clutter, wake up, have a strong energy drink and move on like nothing ever happened. No words were exchanged, but a million feelings were when he looked into your eyes. His eyes seemed so different. Both his eyes were out in the world for people to admire. They seemed to be so much more lively, like they knew what they were setting out to do. They looked like they wanted to see the world painted in another colour. Your eyes held the opposite feeling. They had been livelier when you were a part of the mafia. Now, they just seemed to be running around in circles around an empty grave. They held no shine whatsoever and waited until they could finally close and release all the stress. Dazai's eyes softened as he gazed into your soulless eyes. What did you ever go through that you had to shut your soul away from the world? If only this question could be answered, Dazai would have felt a weight being removed from his heart.

"So, what's the highlight of the six years?" you asked.

You refused to keep eye contact with him. That man could have read you like a magazine, but can he still do it? It is not worth risking it.

"I left the mafia," answered Dazai. "What about you?" he asked.

His voice held hope. Or even curiosity? The joys of being naive. You pondered for a minute before you answered. Would it be okay to tell him that? It sure was the first thing that popped into your mind. If it popped in first, it had to be your most 'important' event, right?

"I got raped," you replied and returned to sipping your coffee.

Dazai just looked at you. There was nothing he could say or do. He needed a minute to process what you had just said. He saw you looking away and used that as his moment to escape. He picked up a glass of water and walked out into the balcony. The sun was just rising, and people were starting to move about. "I got raped." Those words ran around in his mind. Raped? How? What? And how could someone who got raped say it like it happened and they have just accepted it? He wondered if any action had been taken. His anger swelling began to build up, and he could no longer put a lid on it. Angry about what? That someone had molested you? Yes, but also about the fact that it was one of the reasons why you were now so... lifeless. He squeezed that glass in his hand so tightly that he broke the glass.

The sound of glass shattering sent you into frenzy panic mode. You quickly went to the balcony to see Dazai staring at his bloodied hand. Yet again, no words were exchanged. You grabbed his unhurt hand and dragged him into his room. You found a pair of scissors, some gauze, some tape and some antiseptic. You carefully removed the shards from his hand and carefully bandaged him up. After everything was done, you made him sit on the bed and sat beside him on the floor with your head in your hands.