COD MW2 ONE SHOTS

Don't let me go- ANGST

IM SORRY IM STARTING WITH ANGST..

Trigger warnings for Suicidal thoughts
Talk of abuse
Talk of death

SOAP X READER

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The smell of cigarettes filled the air as I blew the smoke out of my mouth, flicking the ash off the end, today was one of those where my mind was clouded, my self esteem was at rock bottom, My head was so busy today felt like a blur, just simply nodding along when people spoke to me.
I sighed as I looked over the edge of the building, my legs dangling over the edge, I put the cigarette up to my mouth, taking another drag, the smoke filling my lungs before I exhaled through my nose. Slowly my mind started to drift off, the way it always did, the thoughts filling my head, thoughts of just dropping off the side to the ground, thoughts of just ending it all right here right now.

I could just get away, I would be free of this stupid trauma I carried with me, the years of being beaten and bruised, the years of panic and fear that followed me, nightmares and flashbacks haunting my dreams, I slowly started to let myself slip down a rabbit hole, days blueing together as we sat at base.

But the sound of the door to the roof opening and closing caught my attention, my head turning to see Soap staring at me as I moved back to look at him. "Las? You okay?" I didn't answer as I turned back around staring at the ground. I heard soap mumble something into comms and I sighed "Johnny?" I questioned and he hummed "Yes?" I sighed as I looked up at him, a frown painted across his lips, he slowly moved closer to me being careful, "Is it normal to feel this way?" I spoke as tears welled in my eyes, threatening to spill over, "What way do you feel?" He placed his hand on my shoulder as he spoke.

"Like I'm nothing, Like I wanna die." I quietly whispered as tears dropped onto my hand as I took another drag of my cigarette. "What's got you thinkin' like this?" He looked down at me as I blew out the smoke. "Everything." I looked at him, my eyes red and tear stained, "I just want the nightmares to stop, I want to be one day with having a flashback to everything that's happened. Those stupid fuckers!! I just want them out of my head." I said as I wiped away tears, "And I feel like that will only happen once I'm dead!" I slightly raised my voice, the weight on shoulders was crushing, I know I was good at what I do, my shots always hit, my plans seemed to always work. But there was so much weight on my shoulders about to push me over the edge.

He grabbed my shoulder and pulled me off the side, he flipped me so I was facing him, his hands placed firmly on my shoulder as he held me still, I just stood there looking at the ground, tears finally spilling as they fell.
"Oi.. what is going on, these past few days you've been so distant.." he said as he looked down at me.
"I can't do this." I choked out between sobs, my hands trying to pry his arms off of me.
"Hey calm down just breathe!" He raised his voice as I fought against him. My breathing becoming rapid as I fought to escape his grip. "Let go! I don't wanna do this!" I cried out.

"Hey shhh just listen. I know it's hard, It fuckin hurts to feel this way, but I know how you feel." He slowly rubbed his hands up and down my arms.
"Please.. just sit with me, tell me everythin on yer mind." He held onto me as he sat down, I cried soon following. "Johnny I can't." I leaned forward into his arms as he held onto me tightly, a tight hug, holding onto me as if it was last time he'd ever touch me.
"It's just all too much. I keep getting nightmares about those fuckers breaking in and ripping me away, nightmares of me dying over and over again." I sobbed, my hands clinging to vest, tugging slightly. He shifted back and looked at me. "I feel like I'm gonna snap any minute at one of you and I don't want to hurt any of you. Im tired of hurting people." I looked down as I remembered my last fight with soap.