Requiem I Mattheo Riddle I

Sadness

(Trigger Warning for SA)

"No!," Theo shouts at me,"Logan, you don't understand!"

"Yes! I think I do," I tell him back," You keep ignoring me for days on end, and when I finally show up and call you out on it. You play it off as if nothing happen. I'm tired of being treated like I'm replacable!"

He begins to become angry," I told you to come see me last night, Logan. You didn't do that."

"Yes! Because every time I do, Theodore, your to drunk to talk to me!" I squeak," Tell me, were you drunk this time, too?"

Him not answering is enough of an answer for me. I start to walk towards the door. I have to get out of his dorm. His lies enough to set me off the edge. I'm scared, terrified even, I'm afraid he's going to do something to me.

He gets to the door before me. "Your different. What happened to the girl I knew only yesterday?"

"She grew up, you asshole," I scream as he shuts and locks the door behind him," I'm tired of dealing with your shit."

"My shit? My shit?" He looks me dead in the eye," What about your shit?"

I look at him, confusion masking my anger," What do you mean?"

" Oh, don't play dumb with me, darling," A smirk flows onto his face.

"I don't understand."

He laughs darkly," Your cheating on me with Riddle."

I look at him in shock," You really think I'd cheat on you? Are you that shallow minded?"

"Don't lie to me, princess," he mocks using what Mattheo always calls me.

" You think I'd cheat on you, with my best friend? I LOVE YOU. YOU NEVER SAY IT BACK. I HAVE NEVER GIVEN UP ON YOU EVEN THOUGH I AM ON THE VERGE OF A BREAKDOWN. HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF CHEATING ON YOU!" He's a foot away from me now. I try to look at him defiently, but fear quickly overcome it.

For a minute, I think he's going to say sorry, but that quickly changes. My cheek burns. There's going to be a bruise tommorow. I shrink back in fear. He hits me again, same side. I fall, and back up until, I'm huddled in a corner.

Theo looks at me with a look of satisfaction, that quickly changes back to anger. Then, he pulls me up from the floor, kissing me lightly. I kiss back. "If you're going to be a whore, your going to act like one."

He trails kisses along my neck, leaving a few hickeys. "Stop." I say as I try to back away, but realize I'm still in the corner.

He continues to kiss me, and forces my shirt off," No. no. Stop. Stop."

(Due to the fact that I am uncomfortable writing this one spot, because it's wrong, I don't want to upset any one with similar triggers, and I'm sorry to anyone who has been SA, I will be skipping the graphicness of this scene.)

"I love you," Theo snuggles into his bed cushions. I'm silent. I want to scream. Cry. Something. Anything. I'm numb. As soon as his breathing evens out, I scramble out of his bed, falling as I slip on the carpet. I let out a sob.

I pull my self up using the bed as something to lean on. Accidentally, I look at his sleeping face, another sob racks my body. Slowly, ever so slowly, I grab my hoodie on the floor and slip it over my head. It's 12 o'clock.

Somehow, I find my way back to my dorm. No one is out. No one will see me. I walk almost mindlessly into the bathroom. I'm a mess. I throw the hoodie off me, making sure it lands as far away from me as possible. Along with my under garments. I do my best not to look in the mirror.

I turn on the shower, turning it to the hotest setting. I step in before it's even warmed up. I want to feel the ice cold water on my dirty skin. I feel dirty. Even if there is nothing there, there is a film of everything coating my skin.

Slowly, I wash my hair in the steaming water. I refuse to look down, afraid to see any marks made. I focus on the far wall, as if in a trance.

I slowly, ever so slowly, squirt some body wash on my hand, and begin to scrub. I scrub, and scrub, and scrub, until my skin is raw. It is not enough.

I still feel his hands all over my body. Phantom hands that don't go away. His lips on my neck. On my thighs. I let out a scream of agony and defeat.

This is silly, I think, he's my boyfriend. He has a right to my body. I love him.

But behind those words, I know that this is wrong- No. No. it's not. It's my fault. It's always my fault. I shouldn't have provoked him. He loves me. He said so himself.

I scamper out of the shower, doing my best to stay away from the clothes on the bathroom floor. I'm cold. So very cold.

I wear my baggiest clothes, an old sweatshirt and some jogging pants. 12:50. Has it really only been an hour? It feels like days. Weeks. Months.

The bed. It scares me.

I lay on the floor in a fetal position. It feels like minutes. It must have been hours. Daylight is shining through the curtain. Bright. To bright.

I might have gotten up and walked to the dining hall. I might have eaten something. I didn't though. Say that was just me trying to feel better. I know I drank a glass of water, today. It's all I could get myself to do.

Leaving the room was scary, I just curled up on the floor. No one came to check on me. I didn't really care though. I was to numb to care.

Classes were a place far away, I couldn't make myself walk there.

The same thing repeated day after day after day. I never cried though. Or sobbed. I got a few knocks each day, but they went away after a while.

However, today was not the same.

Word Count: 1,065

(A/N: Short one. Really sad though. I know I didn't do a good enough job showing the effect of SA.)