And Only If You Knew *One Direction Fan Fiction*

Chapter 1

*Louis*

My throat felt tight from excitement, my knees shaky. My knuckles were white around the bouquet of lilies, and my stomach did somersaults as I walked. I absentmindedly hummed along to Forever Young as I stumbled over my own feet, scuffing the toes of my boots on the rain-slick pavement.

Falling Acres hadn't changed. She had lived here her whole life, and when she moved out from her parents house, she had only relocated a few blocks away, in the apartment buildings.

Her. My best friend. The girl I had grown up with, who yelled at me for riding my bike too fast down the Smilty Hill. The girl who cried for hours when I pushed her in Lake Brull when she was seven. The girl who threw pie in my face on my tenth birthday. The girl who took me to prom when no one else asked her. Who I would do anything for.

Who had no idea that I was, and always had been, hopelessly in love with her. Kennedy.

She was beautiful. Not the beautiful you saw on TV and thought, Wow, what a babe. The beautiful that stuck with you, but that people overlooked. The unconventional beauty that was quiet and easily ignored, unlike the loud, in-your-face beauty that Harry or Niall liked.

Her hair was a light blonde, straight and natural, not the bleachy kind of hair that was sometimes too bright to look at. Her eyes, oh her eyes. They were soft and blue, stunning and perfect, and held a shy strength that only I could see. Her skin was pale and creamy, soft to the touch that I could never savor. There was a freckle right below her cheekbone, and two on the side of her neck. She was far from perfect. But she was the most perfect thing in my life.

And I couldn't have her.

You may have been thinking that I was going to her apartment now with flowers in my hand, preparing to confess my love to her, to walk right up to her and kiss her right on the lips. As much as I want that, as much as I desire to feel her lips against mine, I can't. Kennedy has a boyfriend. Even if she didn't, I could never tell her of my feelings, because I would rather never have her love, than lose her completely.

I had almost done it once. I had been so close to telling her it all. It was prom night, I was sitting in her room with her as she got ready, bouncing up and down on her bed as she sat in front of her mirror.

"I already can't wait to get this dress off," she groaned, pulling out a small, black tube and starting to put some stuff on her eye lashes.

"What are you doing?" I asked, bouncing off the bed and leaning over her shoulder to look at us in the mirror.

"Makeup," she said simply, shrugging.

"Why? You've never worn it before," I protested. Did she really think she could make herself any prettier?

"It's prom! I want to look nice Louis," she replied. I narrowed my eyes, grabbing her wrist and forcing the tube out of her hand.

"You already look nice," I muttered, staring at the makeup with distaste.

"Louis!" She stood up, knocking her chair out of the way and turning to face me. The dress was simple and white, and hung loosely but gracefully to above her knees. She wasn't smiling, but her eyes were light and teasing.

"Give it back."

I slowly walked backwards, holding the makeup behind my back as she walked forwards, gaining on me with mischief in those blue pools. "Give what back?"

"Louis, don't make me mess up your hair," she threatened, taking another step towards me. I backed right up into the bed, and gave her a look of mock horror.

"Come on love, you know you don't want to do that," I said as she came closer, and I climbed backwards onto the bed, trying to keep a serious face, though on the inside I was grinning widely. She launched after me, landing an iron grip on my forearm. I let her throw me onto my back on the cushions, and held the makeup over my head. She was straddling me, without concern of her dress or her hair and desperately trying to reach the tube in my hand. I could feel her breath on my face, and I felt a tightening down south. I widened my eyes, using all my strength to keep my mind away from her body draped over mine. Her face was so close to mine, and her smile was angelic. Was she getting closer? Was that only my heart pounding, or was hers hammering away in time with mine? I swallowed hard, staring into her eyes. Was it possible she liked me back? For a moment, I felt it. I could physically see myself leaning up towards her, smooth, calm and deliberate, and she would smile and understand, meeting me in the middle. We would kiss and it would be perfect, indescribable. And in that moment, I felt like I could do it. Like I could kiss her.