Infatuated Flowers

Chap 5 - Finals Week

Quinn

When we got close to my house he started asking for directions like 'Is it this way?', 'right or left?', ' this street?' after we finally parked, he asked me for my number. I gave him it and saved it as my full name. Actually, I never changed my name to make it more masculine. It's always been Quinn and I've loved it. I've never thought of it as masculine or feminine and I think it's pretty neutral which I like.

As I got out Doux got out with me. He walked me up the sidewalk and to my door. I faced him while he stayed at the bottom of the porch. Finally, I was taller than him.

"Thank you for today, it was fun," He told me and looked at me with his beautiful almond eyes. we looked at each other and grinned. We stared at each other for a couple of seconds. I could feel my cheeks get redder. In my peripheral vision, I noticed he was reaching out his hand to touch mine. I pulled back instantly.

"Um... I should go. Um. see you Monday." I turned away from him and he retracted his arm. What was he trying to do?

"Goodnight Quinn." he headed back to his car and I turned around to look at him. He was halfway down the sidewalk when he looked back too.

"Goodnight Doux." I gave him a guilty smile and he gave me a fake one back, he turned around quickly and I went into my house. Somehow my eyes started swelling with tears. My heart had so much anxiety and I was anxious for no reason. Why did my heart feel so heavy? This shouldn't be happening to me. I don't like this feeling and I've never felt it before.

Ever since Doux and I became friends my heart started dropping at random moments. I have no idea why this is happening, this is the only time I've felt this and it doesn't stop. Whenever I think about him my whole body drops or it kinda feels like you're falling in your sleep. My stomach sinks and my mind goes straight to negative thoughts.

I dropped and squatted on the floor. My mom came in from the living room asking what was wrong. The tears fell and I couldn't stop. I couldn't talk and I was panicking. My mom told me to stop crying and she would only talk to me when I stop crying. Who does she think she is? She does this all the time. Giving no help when having a panic attack. I figured it out early when she would do it to my sister. It was only when she started doing it to me that I started having panic attacks that I realized how fucked up it felt. It frustrates me so much whenever she gaslights us and then acts like the victim. I am pretty much so tired of her but when she acts nice and we have our good moments it makes me think she changed but I know deep down she hasn't and if I was to have a panic or anxiety attack right then and there she would start yelling at me.

I ran to my room and laid on my bed. I cried into my pillow and kicked off my shoes. What is happening to me and why? I don't even have a reason to cry, tonight was a good night and I had fun. Why was I feeling so overwhelmed?

I rolled over and opened my phone to see a new message from Doux. 'Today was fun, thank you.' with a couple of added emojis. I laughed in between my cries. I really like him, don't I? But what kind of 'like' is it?

MONDAY

Doux

I walked to catch up to Quinn after waking up a little bit late. When I got to his house I ran to the door and rang the doorbell. His sister greeted me and told me he already left for school. I started running to catch up to him. I finally saw him after passing a corner I called out his name. He turned around, smiled, and waved. He stopped so I could catch up to him. My cheeks were flushed and my hair was a mess so it was embarrassing. I laughed and wiped my face to warm myself up.

He laughed too and we started a conversation. After a little bit, he mentioned something that made me confused.

"Haha, yeah, I thought you were mad at me that night." why would he think that? After he pulled away from me trying to grab his hand I was just embarrassed. When I get embarrassed I usually just try to run away from the situation. Was I supposed to communicate with him? It wasn't that type of situation though, it was just a 'me problem.'