Fine lines

Chapter 10

Tate

"Are you actually joking?" I'm so pissed off, I'm completely irritated. I don't think I have been so easily worked up before.
"I have been home for not even a week and you've blown me off every, single, night this week" Dad looks at me as if I've disturbed his peace, but I'm not letting him get away with it "Tate I can't help it you should know I am always busy when the season starts" Not a lie, but not good enough either. This isn't the first I've heard this, being blown off for something that doesn't sound worthy of being blown off for.
"There's no training, there's no practice, your meetings are on Mondays and Tuesdays like every other year and the one day off a week I know you have you're cancelling on me" A part of me knew a shitty excuse was going to come up for him to bail on me. My whole life especially when I was little, Mom was always at my dance recitals, my soccer games, award ceremonies, including graduation. Dad? Was never there. Always a hockey thing. 'I've always got to fly to New York for work.' Same excuses. He has his moments where he's present in my presence, he'll be around for dinner or for a school thing. It got even worse after Mom died.
"This isn't what I planned either, but it's the last time I can see the NHL board before the season starts on the weekend" My arms are crossed as I stand staring at him furious.
"I got those profiles done well before you asked, I've been present for you every day and you can't even spend some time with me? Do you even care that I'm here?"
"Of course I care that you're here, I'm happy you're here but I can't just always drop everything" I scoff at him "You're not dropping everything you've known about dinner for 3 days"
"Why don't you go and see some of your friends?"
"You really don't know anything" I spit. He has no recollection of the fact I've told him before, anyone I was close with moved away when I did, which made it so much easier to leave because I wasn't leaving much behind.
"All of my friends aren't here, they're gone." I shake my head and run my palm across my forehead into my head, I let out a frustrated groan and give up. There's no use fighting for his attention, especially his effort. "Whatever just go, I'm sick of asking".
He walks further towards placing his hands on my arms "I promise I owe you next week, we'll have time Sunday night if you're not busy" He barely tries to apologise, actually I don't think he apologised once. He finally leaves the room after I don't respond because I'm too pissed off to even try and say something rational, because at the end of the day he can send me back to college before I can finish my assignment. Not that I think he's that malicious enough to send me back, but he could if he wanted to. I'll just deal with it for a little longer. After he leaves my room I close the door and sit down at my desk and stare out the window, the sun is setting and I'm ready to go out to nowhere. I hear Dads car reverse out of the driveway and I'm suddenly alone. He'll be in New York in a few hours and there all night. None of my friends live here anymore and I ditched a party invite from someone I've grown to like, for someone who only ended up ditching me. The sadness finally kicks in. Which prompts me to get up and I can't stop my teary eyes from filling up, I stand up with my hands behind my head as I walk around the room slowly.
It's the never knowing if I'll be good enough for someone to stay, and if it's not that, they're taken away from me anyway. I feel trapped in a cage where people are allowed inside with me for a little but then shortly later they have to go, but I stay here. Stuck. I remember feeling so stuck after Mom died, no one wants to get stuck trying to fix the broken one. No one wants to try to mend what can't be undone. It's all broken. As am I.
I wipe my tears away pulling out my phone to see what I can do to distract myself. I contemplate getting a movie out again but I can't even sit still at the moment, I've been pacing back and forth ever since I started tearing up. I've already walked in and out of the bathroom three times, back to my desk and sat for a minute, got up and walked across my room to my bed and then to the mirror. I can't stay still, yet I'm so stuck. I see I have a couple of texts from Ivy I never replied to, she would make me feel better if she were here, she never had to ask half the time. She knew when there was a shift in my mood, a change in tone or body language. She knew me like a book. So I call her.
"I was wondering when I would hear your voice, I've been dying to hear about your date" Hearing her voice brings me a little joy. "I know I'm sorry, I got stuck finishing the assignment" Which isn't a lie, but it's not all I did with my evening. "I'm so jealous you got to leave this hell hole, I'm bored out of my mind. Every party I've been to has either been broken up by the police or just sucked enough for me to leave early" She whines.
"Your version of a 'hell hole' is completely different to mine" She laughs and it makes me smile, I definitely feel a little better. "Your so-called hell hole has you meeting cute ice hockey players in the middle of the night" It takes me by surprise that she's not enjoying the parties when she used to drag me to all of them, maybe it's because I'm missing that they're not as fun to her.
"I am not meeting ice hockey players in the middle of the night"
I just respond to unknown text messages and let it continue on for almost a week.
"Well your life has already been more exciting than mine since you left, one of the girls from your photography class got some side job through her family's tour management and now she's taking photos of singers and bands on the road.. maybe I should rethink my profession, taking pictures as an excuse to stare ag hot people" I know exactly who she's talking about, I'll have to message her congratulating her, we get along really well. Cordelia Devereaux. She's been at the top of our class for months mostly because she's a little older, she's helped me so much through classes and sometimes she's been quite the life saver in editing. I'm happy she's got something great going for her.
"There's more to taking photos than having hot people in view" The lonely ache I had inside of my chest is gone. I'm glad I don't need her physically with me to soothe my lousy nights, since we can't go out and do something unhinged to take my mind off things like we normally do.
"Are you okay?" Maybe I'm not being very subtle in my tone.
"Is it that obvious?"
"Tate I can hear it in your voice, tell me what happened? Was it Bryson? I will come and beat his ass if I have to" She continues on a rant about how much she hates Bryson, it warms my heart the protectiveness and love she has for me. She keeps me down on earth rather than being up in my head with my thoughts.
"As much as I appreciate all of the things you want to do to him, it's not him, haven't even seen him yet" Thankfully.
I finally stop pacing and sit on my bed pulling the blanket over me as I rest against the wall. I start telling her what happened with Dad which caused me to have a little anxiety attack, which then continued on to make me feel as if everything coming down on me like heavy rainfall is making me feel like I'm drowning standing up. I got lost for a little while there. I needed to get brought back down to earth.
And she did it.
"Tate, that hurts my heart, I'm so mad for you. You weren't kidding about your Dad being so absent" I've only told her enough about him and what happened up until Mom died, after that she only knew of me meeting her at college and becoming friends, we never really spoke of him much.
"So now I'm up in my room alone, ready to go with nowhere to go"
"Is there anything fun to do on Wednesday night in Green Bay?" The thing with Ivy is, if you don't tell her about something she won't get you excited about it and make you do something you'll regret, but if you tell her something, she will one hundred percent without question and no doubts in your mind, convince you to do it and give you a very good reason as to why you won't have any regrets.
"If I tell you something, you have to promise you won't do any of your, Ivy convincing" I hear a slight hum out of her "Whatever are you referring to?" I can almost see her lying face.
"After my drive with Wyatt the other night.." She cuts me off.
"Oh my god as if we talked about your Dad first, tell me more" I tell her about the drive and then by the end of the conversation she goes silent. "Wait, why don't you go to the party? It's only 5pm and most parties don't start until 8pm" I shake my head in silence and don't say a word, she starts to speak again "Tate, what have I said about you and letting yourself sit in mud?" It makes me laugh "Don't let myself sit in mud unless I want to have a muddy ass?"
"Exactly" A small tear escapes from my eye and I wipe it away, she starts video calling me before I start speaking "We don't have to talk about it, but while I'm not there to drag you around town to pull you out of your zones, you're going to have to learn to do it yourself" She states. I move the blanket off me and keep looking at my screen still not sure what to say, I just laugh or grin at her eyebrows raising at me or the finger pointing of being told what to do. "I don't know Ivy I'm just running out of energy" She shakes her head at me "Nope, your brain is tired but the best part is you can switch those parts off and tell them to fuck off"
"Do you think it would be weird if I asked if it's still alright to go?" she shakes her head at me with a smile on her face.
"God no, you're already dressed. Fix your make up and fluff up your hair and get your fine ass out the door" I throw my head back onto the wall letting out a sigh. I head towards the bathroom to check my face in the mirror and sit my phone against the wall "Actually no I don't like the outfit" I keep staring in the mirror touching up my make up "It's a house party Ivy not a frat party" She screws her face up at me, then I suddenly realise "I haven't even asked if it's okay for me to still come.."
"Just show up" She states. I stare down at the camera to talk to her "I'm not going to do that, even if I did I don't the address"
"So text him" She makes it sound so easy, I don't know how she does it. I stare at myself a little longer in the mirror questioning what to do. Do I want to do this? Do I really want to go to a party with a bunch of strangers, meeting with someone I've known for 4 days. Before I make any outfit changes and talk myself into this. I need to ask him. A little part of me wants to go. A bigger part of me wants to see him again.

(T) Is it too late for me to say yes to the party?Sent 5:57pm