𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍 𝐑𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐃𝐈𝐄 , jay klickin

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞

DEAR DIARY ...

GROWING UP I WAS INVISIBLE. AND I DON'T mean the kind where you aren't seen. of course i'm still there, able to be seen but i'm not. that's the thing, nobody ever looks at me, pays me any attention.

most would say it's a blessing. the less your noticed the better. but in my opinion. it's torture. i wanted to be seen. i had the looks for it. i think my want to be noticed started when my mother started bringing men home.

she always told me, in order for me to be seen i had to act a certain way. what's wrong with the way i am now?

i read which i love, im very quiet , i love painting and i love walking on the beach while the sun sets. nothing is weird about that. but i guess it isn't "cool" kid material.

currently i was standing in the corner of my new room, a face scrunched up as i eyed the horrid wall color. it was purple, not even a cute light purple, but a dark purple. my least favorite color.

my mother promised to take me to the store to get paint to re do it.

i wanted to make my room attractive. which i didn't even know was possible until i looked it up. if your room is ugly, no male would ever want to come in your room.

i had tossed everything from my old room out, bags of my new stuff were all over the floor, unpacked.

where was my mother in this? somewhere with her new friend. which is one of the boys she brings home.

while standing in my new bedroom, us actually being in new york, harlem to be exact, shocked me. we had such a attachment to atlanta, i was surprised when mom brought it up.

moving means i have to go to a new school, introduce myself to thousands of people in every period, and make new friends. or just make friends is what i should say. i didn't have friends at my other school. how depressing right?

sighing, i slowly moved to one of my bags, deciding it was best to start unpacking now. i didn't go to school until friday, which just so happens to be homecoming day, i have to mentally prepare myself for the pep rally's, and the game.

i didn't know these schools do pep rally's for basketball. usually it's just for football.

i licked my lips, the taste of cherry lip gloss making me smile. my favorite.

thinking of the lipgloss made me think of my clothes, some how. just to say this, i'm a crazy over thinker. i get distracted very easily, over the dumbest things. for example, back in the 5th grade, i was doing a spelling bee , it was a contest and if you won you get a 50 dollar chick fil a gift card, while spelling my words, i heard the slightest noise of someone's baby crying which distracted me & made me mess up.

it's like my body froze and i could no longer move. my mother had to come help me get off the stage. now that i've realized, i've said 'my mother', most of the time. if you couldn't tell, my father isn't in my life.