Made of Steel

23. You are mine

Cassandra Reid

I throw the door as I enter my room resonating throughout walls.

Fury, fear, bewilderment, desire and other emotions I don't want to put a name. They all mix up with each other until they make my head explode.

Too much for one night.

Why did my ex have to show up right now when I was starting to adjust to my new reality?

The text message is drawn in my mind and I shudder inside.

'If you don't come I'll get mad and go find you and you know I don't behave very well when I get mad, love'

A part of me was always afraid of him. Although with me he behaved differently from the rest of the world, I witnessed his cruelty, his aggressiveness and his lack of compassion.

Dean Frost doesn't give second chances, he doesn't care about collateral effects and above all, he doesn't threaten in vain... However, I was his weakness. I became his obsession from the day he met me.

During these two years I have not stopped thinking about him, about how my flight affected him emotionally as well as professionally and publicly.

Sometimes I imagined that my letter had made him see reality and he had managed to overcome this sick obsession. I imagined him rebuilding his life, being happy with someone else... But none of that happened, it was a dream just like my marriage in last few days.

Now my ex threatens me to force me meeting him and my control freak husband forbids me to do so.

There are certain similarities between them and at the same time, many differences. However, there is a thing they share with the entire male gender: fucking stubbornness to impose his will.

"Damned all his lineage!", I exclaim loudly followed by a childish screech.

I hug the pillow and lie on my side without noticing outfit I'm still wearing.

Leaving aside threats and fears, if I want to go to the meeting, I need to go. I must leave everything clear and close that chapter of my past, just like I did with my parents.

I would have liked to have had a few days to assimilate his presence and prepare for conversation, but the talk is necessary for him, for me, and even for Adriano himself and his children.

Why can't my husband understand it?

The fact that he has forced me to confront my parents and instead wants to prevent me from seeing Dean is inconceivable. It doesn't make any sense, unless...

'No', I stop my thoughts in time.

But what if it were possible? Could his refusal be the product of jealousy?

'Don't get your hopes up, Cassandra', the rational part of me insists.

'To feel jealous there must be feelings involved and he has no feelings for you'.

True, he feels nothing beyond desire. Instead I...

'I don't feel anything', I remind myself.

I feel weird, like I'm living in someone else's body. I am fighting with myself and battle is exhausting.

I better go to sleep and stop thinking nonsense.

I get up to get rid of my clothes and makeup before going back to bed. Tomorrow will be a better day.

I get very little sleep and when I wake up my head is the same mess it was last night. However, I have made a decision... I will go to the meeting. I know that if I don't go, he will come looking for me and the situation will be much worse.