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depressive episodes

Depression (N.) is a mental illness where you are very unhappy for periods of time and during these periods You. Cannot. Live. a. Normal. Life.

This is the dictionary's interpretation of depression... and yes this is the definition of .depression, very simply put, very straightforward...

What if I put this definition into my own words and experience and what if I told you the harsh reality of depression?

I woke up today feeling as if a heavy weight was pressing down on my chest. I tried to shake it off and get up, but my body just wouldn't cooperate. I lay in bed for what felt like hours, just staring at the ceiling, my mind consumed by negative thoughts.

It's been like this for a while now. I can't remember the last time I felt genuinely happy. Even the simplest tasks feel impossible, and I'm constantly overwhelmed by a sense of hopelessness.

I know I should be doing something to help myself, but it's hard to find the motivation. The idea of even getting dressed feels like an insurmountable task. So instead, I just lay here, feeling like a failure.

It's hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it, but it's like I'm stuck in this never-ending cycle of sadness and despair. Every time I think I've hit rock bottom, something else happens to drag me further down.

I feel like I'm living in a constant state of exhaustion, both physically and mentally. I can't focus on anything, and my memory is shot. I forget things I said or did just moments before, and it's incredibly frustrating.

I try to talk to my friends and family about what I'm going through, but it's hard to articulate. I don't want to burden them with my problems, and I worry that they won't understand. So instead, I keep it bottled up inside, and it just eats away at me.

I know I should seek professional help, but the idea of talking to a stranger about my feelings terrifies me. What if they judge me? What if they think I'm weak? What if they can't help me?

It's hard to imagine a future where I'm not consumed by sadness. I know there must be good days ahead, but it's hard to believe it when all I see around me is darkness.

I wish I could just snap out of it, but it's not that simple. Depression is an illness, and like any illness, it takes time and treatment to heal.

For now, I'll just keep taking it one day at a time. Some days will be better than others, but I know that even on the darkest days, there is still a glimmer of hope. I just have to keep fighting and never give up.

[Trigger warning:  contains themes of depression and may be distressing for some readers. If you're struggling with mental health issues, please seek help from a licensed professional.]

I don't know how to begin. It feels like everything is falling apart, and I can't keep myself together. I'm writing this down because I need to get these thoughts out of my head. It's like they're suffocating me, and I can't breathe.

I'm going through a depressive episode right now, and it's hitting me hard. It's like a dark cloud that follows me everywhere, and no matter how hard I try to shake it off, it stays with me. I wake up in the morning, and I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to face the day ahead of me because everything feels so overwhelming.

I feel like I'm carrying a heavy weight on my shoulders, and it's getting heavier every day. My thoughts are racing, but they're all negative. I feel like a failure, like I'm not good enough. I feel like everyone around me is doing better than me, and I'm falling behind. I'm stuck in this rut, and I can't find a way out.

I try to distract myself from these thoughts, but nothing seems to work. I watch TV, but I can't focus on it. I try to read, but the words blur together. I scroll through social media, but all I see are people who are happier and more successful than me.

The worst part is feeling so alone. I have friends and family who care about me, but I can't seem to shake this feeling of isolation. I don't want to burden them with my problems, and I feel like they wouldn't understand anyway. So, I keep it all inside, and it's eating me up.

I know that I should seek help, but the thought of opening up to someone scares me. What if they judge me? What if they don't believe me? What if they think I'm weak? These thoughts only make me feel worse, and I feel trapped in this cycle of self-doubt and anxiety.

It's hard to explain what it feels like to be in a depressive episode. It's not just feeling sad; it's a feeling of hopelessness and despair. It's like being in a dark tunnel with no end in sight. It's like the world is moving on without you, and you're stuck in this never-ending cycle of misery.

I don't know how to get out of this. I don't know how to make these feelings go away. All I can do is try to take care of myself, even though it feels like a chore. I try to eat well, exercise, and get enough sleep, but it's hard to find the motivation.

Sometimes, I wish I could just sleep and not wake up. Other times, I wish I could run away and start over somewhere else. But I know that's not the answer. I need to face these feelings head-on, but it's hard when everything feels so heavy.

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if I'll ever feel better. But I know that I need to keep going, even if it's one day at a time. I need to remind myself that these feelings are temporary, and things will get better. I just need to hold on and keep going.

I'm going to try to reach out for help. I know it won't be easy, but I can't keep carrying this burden alone. I need to talk to someone who understands and can help me through this. I need to remind myself that it's okay to not be okay and that seeking help is a sign

a/n

this was a tough chapter to write but I just want to say thank you for the few people that actually decide to read this

please keep moving forward and feel free to vent in comment, you are loved by many

word count 1100 words that was so much more then the first actual chapter 

have a fantastic day and thank you! <3