TALES OF THE HEART

10.

Nanon was caught between his heart and his logic. He didn't know which way to take.

When Chimon left him the day he visited, Nanon had done a lot of thinking and came to the conclusion that he liked Ohm.

He acknowledged his own feelings towards Ohm and he knew that what he was doing wasn't fair to him nor to the boy. 

"You wanted to talk to me?"

Ohm asked and Nanon nodded. Ohm let him inside his apartment.

For people his age, Nanon expected a more mess and disorganised environment from the boy.

But instead he found more gym equipment and loosely thrown clothes around.

The mess was tolerable,

"What can I do for you Nanon?"

His voice was still as cold as this morning. Nanon understood where he was coming from.

Seeing him standing before him knowing he was rejected seemed to hurt him. 

"The other day when we talked at my place -"

Ohm listened,

"I didn't tell you the whole truth" he fidgeted 

"Meaning?"

"It's true I can't exactly explain how I feel about you, but I do know that I feel something for you….that I like you"

Nanon didn't miss the way Ohm's eyes bolted out of his sockets. The sudden shocked expression on his face.

He didn't miss the way the young man's mouth opened and closed.

He saw him gulp and give out a breath. But he never did say anything. His eyes never left Nanon,

"I have a - sigh. I have a bad past with regards to relationships. So I become paranoid and anxious if someone confesses their feeling towards me" 

Ohm frowned but he still remained quiet

"When you told me you liked me, I couldn't help but need to shut down the idea from your head, to not give you any hope. I wanted you to be so far away from me. To stay away. Because I am afraid. I am afraid that I might get hurt, that I might suffer the same fate again" 

Hurt. Suffer. Ohm didn't understand all that Nanon was saying. But seeing him having a sad and painful expression on his face, Ohm realised it was a sour subject for him to talk about.

He wanted to know what happened to him in the past, who hurt him? He wanted to find out but he held himself back from asking.

Right now, just like Tu said, Nanon needed reassurance. That was what he could only give him at the moment. 

"Nanon, I'm not going to hurt you. I promise I won't do anything to hurt you"

"I know that but one can never know"

Silence,

"I don't want my past to stop me from experiencing the present and the future. I don't want to be held back. I want to love and be loved. I want to smile. I want to be happy and as long as I think of my past I won't be. And I want that to change. I want to begin anew. With you. So here I am, giving you my trust, so please don't break it" 

Ohm dived in for a hug. He couldn't say anything because he was overwhelmed. 

"I promise you Phi, I will never hurt you nor leave your side. I am here for you and I will always be"

He could only feel Nanon move his head in a nodding manner. 

"_" 

Days passed, weeks passed and yet still, Nanon couldn't believe he and Ohm were actually dating.