Vishwaas

Chapter 26: Past

It had been a few weeks since Rohan had been attending therapy, and they have been very relaxed, to get him comfortable and out of his comfort zone and break his walls. His therapist, Zoya, has assessed that he needs time to open up to her as she's a stranger and that makes him uncomfortable. So over the three sessions, he has a week, Zoya has worked on earning his trust. Telling him things about herself, her personal life, her husband and kids, and her hobbies. She builds a friendship with him so he feels comfortable and can trust her. They had touched on some sensitive topics, like his relationship with his mother growing up and his equation 

In today's session, they were going to delve a little deeper into him. 

"Hi, Rohan! How are you?"
"I'm good, Zoya. How are you?"
"I'm doing well. Take a seat, and I'll set up our session."

Rohan took a seat on the couch and relaxed as Zoya got ready with her checklist and notes. She settled across from him and smiled his way.

"Toh? Kaisa gaya humara last week?"
(So? How did the last week go?)

"Aache gaya. I went hiking with my dad as you suggested and we spent a lot of time just talking about my childhood and how I felt, as well as why his mindset was during those days."

(They went well.)

"Oh really! And what did he say? If you don't mind sharing."
Rohan slightly shuffled in his seat, "he said that I was a naughty kid and my mother was never attentive. He was young when they had me and wasn't sure what to do, or how to balance a work-life balance, especially with a child. He would financially provide, but I missed his presence. I used to see my tayaji take time out for all his kids and so would dad, but I felt like it was never enough. Maybe because he was the only parent, who I felt was taking time out. He had the burden of being a mother and father on his shoulders."

Zoya jotted down everything as he spoke and patiently waited for him to continue. 

"Umm, I think as a teenager and young adult, I became rebellious because in my head I was like if you don't give me what I want, which is your time and attention, I don't give you what you want. And I thought that I was right."

Rohan took a few deep breaths before lightly smiling, "But now, I kind of get it. I get his perspective. I have ambitions and hopes for my future, just like he did and he did his best. The best possible. If I put myself in his shoes and I had a child to take care of as well as earn and provide for, I'd be in a pickle too."

Zoya looked up at him, this was progress. The initial few times she watched this man complain and completely behave like a child. And now she sees a man who is owning up to his flawed behaviour as a teenager.

"So, how did you two end this conversation? And how did it make you feel?" Zoya smiled at him and got an equally huge grin in return.

"We reached the top of our hike, we apologised to each other and gave each other the biggest hugs. It felt like a huge rock in my chest just evaporated, it felt like a huge relief."

Zoya could see the pride reflecting off of Rohan's face as he smiled brightly at her, "did you do a journal entry for that?"
"Yeah, I did. I'm getting good at those."

The two laughed at each other as they continued the conversation. Zoya had set up a journal for Rohan to fill out whenever he actively takes a step towards doing any of the tasks they talk about during their sessions, they are for him to look at and only share if he feels comfortable. He has writing prompts and reflection questions, and whenever he feels vulnerable, full of emotion, and wants to write about Chhaya he does it in that journal. 

So far he's written about the tasks and how much he regrets what he did with Chhaya, and as he regrets it the more her hidden love and his feelings become clear to him. Which only leaves him feeling more regretful.

Soon the two found themselves at the end of their session. "Okay so. . . . we talked about your next two journal entries."

Zoya raises her brow at him as she shows him two on her fingers, and Rohan nods in response. 

"One needs to be about your marriage with Priya and the other one was about Meera, okay?"

Rohan again nods his head before heading out. Rohan headed home and throughout the drive, all he could think about was his task for the week, the letter he had to write. Soon enough, he found himself at his office desk, a pen in his hand as he stared at the blank page in front of him. His thoughts wandered back to the conversation he had with Zoya.

Flashback:

"So this incident with Meera, why does it stand out to you? Why do you think it's important to discuss?"
Rohan shuffled his feet around before looking up at Zoya.

"Well, I never wanted to marry her. Yes, now I think she's a nice girl, but I don't regret not marrying her. I mean I do regret the way things went down and the humiliation she had to face because of me. But I don't think back and wish I was married to her, her marriage with Shourya is amazing and they're perfect. I just always protested against everything my father wanted for me and the alliance with Meera was the same thing. I just didn't understand what it was that caused him to be so adamant. I was stupid! And then when SHourya said yes to marrying her I was so confused about why he would say yes. I was blinded by my stupidity and so that day. . . I don't know what came over me, I was so frustrated that I wasn't getting the care and attention from Priya that I had wanted, and on the other hand, the girl I was supposed to marry was giving that care and affection to the Shourya. I don't what came over me. It was a huge mistake. I still think about it and it makes me uncomfortable, I owe her an apology, but I struggle to say it."

Zoya smiled his way, seeing the frustration in his eyes, "You just did Rohan."

She watched him scrunch his brows before looking shocked at the fact that he did just say it. 

"Try writing it all in a letter and give it to her. Watch her open it, stand there and wait as she reads it and go from there. It'll make you uncomfortable, but remember our approach is to face things head-on."

Rohan held the pen close to the paper and decided to not overthink anything and just let his emotions take over. He wanted it to be real and raw, no matter how screwed up it may sound, he wanted her to know the reality and the fact that he was appaled by it, he was apologetic he was. So that's what he did, he let his hands put his thoughts into words before he finishes it up, folds it and decided to head over to Shourya and Meera's room to give her the letter.

With a deep breath, Rohan put the pen down and moved towards Meera's room without a second thought that might stop him.

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Thank you pottergirl_ak  for giving me some awesome ideas too! Can't wait to get them down

Secondly, I am making an announcement! The people on Instagram already know this, but it's for my WattPad family who is not a part of my Insta family. 

The announcement is:

I am announcing a new book titled DEEWANA!

It is the love story of Aarav and Muskaan. If you want more detail head over to Instagram to see the trailer and some quotes from the story. 

The launch date will be announced soon!

So that's it!

Thank you so much for reading and see you at the next one!