Vishwaas

Chapter 31: Battles

The ignorance piercing his heart, the ignorance of the woman he wanted desperately in his arms. But he was ready to bear it with a smile on his face. The day ended with smiles and giggles as the family retrieved to their rooms, Meesha and Vihaan were adamant about spending the night with Chhaya so Meera accompanied them. However, it didn't take long for the two to fall asleep. Meera wanted to talk to Chhaya about Rohan, but decided against it, not wanting her to feel overwhelmed.

Throwing a smile Chhaya's way, Meera got changed and cuddled in bed with her kids. She took a selfie of the three of them before sending it to her husband knowing very well how much that would get under his skin. Meera giggled as she pressed send only to find herself answering his phone call. Chhaya put the journal on the side of her dressing table before jumping into bed. She needed some time, she wasn't sure of her feelings or if she was ready to hear him out just yet. So letting her true, raw emotions take charge Chhaya ignored Rohan for the next couple of days. She didn't read the journal yet. 

Rohan could see that she was actively ignoring him, but he was okay with it. He knew she needed time to cope so he kept his distance. He didn't hide, because that wasn't why he was here. But he didn't get too close or into her personal space. One day, Chhaya was tidying up after her dance class with the little kids when Shourya came up to her. He smiled her way before helping her collect her things. The two joked around for a while before Shourya pulled her into a hug, Chhayaa was taken by surprise before she hugged the man as tight as she could mumbling, "Bhai."

The two sat down and made small talk before Shourya went for the hit. 

"Rohan is different now. I'm not taking his side or justifying his actions but he deserves a second chance. You're allowed to say no as well. That's fine. But don't leave the poor guy in limbo. I know he gave you his journal because he hasn't been pulling it out every 2 seconds anymore. I'm requesting you read it."

Chhaya frowned at Shourya, "please bhai, aap request mat kijiye." (Please, don't 'request' me.)

"Marzi teri hai. Pr ek baar sochna zaroor." (It's your choice. But do think about it.)

At the end of the day, Chhaya headed over to the living room of her room. She didn't want to disturb the kids or Meera as they decided to stay at her place again tonight. But she planned on ready the journal. Dark clouds cover the night sky, hiding the moon behind them. The wind blew violently outside and Chaaya could hear the shuffling of the tree leaves, she wrapped herself in the blanket and opens the journal and the first words she read broke her heart into a million pieces.

I miss her.

She pushed through the rest of the journal entry.

I'm desperate for her. Every ounce of my being is slowly dying without her here and it's all my fault. Not being a man. I've always found someone to blame when things go wrong. 

Zoya said to write all my emotions in the journal and it'll make me feel lighter. It sounds stupid but just writing those sentences above and I feel more at ease and actually lighter. It sounds so weird. I don't know how to say it. That's something I've always struggled with, but it feels so empty, so shallow without her here. She took every bit of her existence and vanished. 

But I still feel her presence. This room still smells like her jasmine perfume, I can hear her voice echo in my mind. Oh her voice. Her sweet sweet voice. I can feel her lingering in this room. What an idiot I am to have let her go. A complete idiot. 

Mein kya karun abh kuch samajh nahi aa raha. Kahan jaaun, kisse bolun ki woh aapne saath mera wajood bhi le gayi hai, mere har ek khatra uske picche picche nikal gaya hai. Aur yahan, uske jaane ke baad sirf ek zinda laash bethi hai, apna toota hua dil le kr. Uss din ke intazaar mein ki iss toote dil ko uske haath mein rakhoon aur bheek mangu ki isse jodde.

Chhaya. Where are you?

(I don't know what to do now. Where to go, who to talk to. Who do I tell that she took my existence with her, every part of my being has followed along. And here, after she has left, there is an alive corpse sitting with his broken heart in his hand. With a wait in his heart for that day when he'll kneel in front of her, begging her to put it together.)

Fresh tears found themself dropped onto the old, dried ones on the journal as the woman spent the night reading through the rest of the journal, unable to put it down. She read everything, the conversations with his mother, the hikes with his father, the letter to Meera, his childhood, his marriage with Priya. Everything. 

And it took every ounce of her being to not run to him and give him the biggest hug. She resisted the urge, but at around 1:30 in the morning, Chhaya picked up the phone and rang him. Not even a second later, Chhaya heard an alarmed hello.

"Hello, Chhaya. Is everything okay?"

"R-R-Rohan. . . ."

"Haan?" (Yes)

"You-you're journal . . . . I read it."

Rohan took a deep breath in as he closed his eyes.

"Chhaya."
"Hum kal mil sakte hain?" (Can we meet tomorrow?)

Rohan's eyes snapped open before he sat up straight.

"Haan! Kab? Kahan?" (Yes! When? Where?)

"Yahan paas mein ek jagah hai, kal subhah hum wahan walk krke jaa sakta hian. After breakfast."

(Nearby there is a place, tomorrow morning we can go there after breakfast. We'll walk there.)

"Okay."

Chhaya took a deep breath as she hung up the phone, she was glad she read the journal. She understood the man better now. And maybe she understood his actions better now too, but here were still some uncertainties. Maybe she'll find her answers tomorrow.