words of isolation

close yet so far

“i didn't suicide, i was killed.”

Sweat dripped from my forehead and made its way down to my chest as my heart hammered in my ribs. I clutched my heart and felt its heartbeats; they were unquestionably quick, like sprinting away from a marathon.

i gasped as i thought back on my horrific nightmare. or was it just a bad dream? I have never been afraid of you, and I have never been afraid to see you. To see you in my dreams was something I had yearned for. 

you remain undeniably stunning there, with your large yet supple features and red hair that has not faded in color. the same clothing that i last saw you in was still on you, no distinction.

yet, to say those words on me was a big revelation. i never thought – no one ever thought that someone would plan to kill you. still, we would never know the reasons why would you take your own life.

reasons...

i need reasons and answers at this moment. reasons why you decided to appear at my dreams, why me and why just now?

thus, i didn't hesitate to plunge at my slumber. it feels like a lucid, it feels like i was just making rounds at my work; able to wonder and looked at things and places that were new to my eyes. and then after a moment, i brought back to a place where we always hangs out; on top of an abandoned building where you can peak at the busy city. midnight yet there were still a lot of people walking around, taking selfies, eating different kinds of food, vlogging, and the lights of the buildings and cars illuminating the entire city.

and you were there, you called my name using your mellifluous voice. but for some reason, i can't seem to find you. i breathe heavily and my tears poured out of frustration.

i called for your name, you answered me. i asked where you are and why are you hiding from me. you said it's the best thing for us; to kept everything hidden.

“forgive me, but i can't fucking understand why do you need to hide from me. were you scared? i badly want to see you... please come out now.” i pleaded as my legs weakened.

note:
i can’t seem to finish this one but i’ll publish this anyway so i could get back and read them every time i feel like, i haven't done a thing i can be proud of :)