Dear Future Best Friend

Prologue entry

8.20.13

Dear future best friend,

I'm waiting patiently to see when you'll make your first appearance. I'm eagerly waiting for all the amazing things we're going to do together. I hope you're as excited as I am.

Today, I walked into the doors of high school, bouncing up and down wondering if I may bump into you today. Although the overall percentage of it happening today was really low, I couldn't help but think about that small percentage saying it could happen today of all days. Instead, while looking around for you, one of the seniors put his foot out causing me to fall on the tiled floor of the hallway. Now whether he did this on purpose or accident, I'm still unsure of. Considering all the laughter that happened after I fell, I'm considering the first of the options.

Of course it's just my luck to fall flat on my face while looking for you. Out of all the times and moments in the world, the universe chose that to be my first entry into the start of high school. How spectacular.

I don't know why I chose to start doing this. Mom thinks it's dumb and just an excuse out of trying to actually approach and talk to people. Who knows, maybe it is.

I guess in some ways, I know I won't always be alone. I know I won't always feel left out. There's going to be one day, hopefully soon, that I finally feel accepted-- like someone has my back. I really need that-truly. No more hushed whispers making fun of me. There won't be endless tears streaming down every night into my pillow as I hope and pray that I'll be sent an angel who will care about hanging out with me.

In some ways, maybe wanting to start these journals is a form of therapy and staying positive. I have a tendency to always try to stay positive in a group situation, but if I'm being honest, 9 times out of 10, I'm the most pessimistic person in the situation. Maybe these journals will help me improve and grow before I meet you. Maybe it'll be a way of bettering myself to make sure I'm the best version of myself when we eventually become friends.

I want to be the best person I can be to you because in reality, I already know that you have changed my life even before I get to see you in person. I already know that you give me hope and a sense of belonging. I already know that you're super talented and a great person. If I can already know this about you even prior to us knowing each other, then the least I can do is keep these entries to show you my growth. The least I can do is stay hopeful and happy until we become friends. When we become friends, I know it will be my favorite day every day.

So here you go, future best friend. Here's the start of who I am and what I've had to go through in the 15 years I've been on this earth so far. Here's the start of, hopefully, my journey to meet you and feel accepted in this miserable world.

Dear future best friend, here is me.